File this under: If I Did It: Executive Branch Edition.
This week, the Trump camp finally took off the gloves and put on the red hat to fire Maurene Comey—you know, the federal prosecutor who helped put Ghislaine Maxwell behind bars and was knee-deep in the Epstein case before it mysteriously got quieter than a Mar-a-Lago classified doc closet.
And guess what? She’s also the daughter of former FBI Director James Comey, which makes her not just competent and inconvenient—but politically poetic revenge.
Let’s recap.
Epstein: dead.
Ghislaine: jailed.
Flight logs: sealed.
Maurene Comey: fired.
But don’t worry, patriots, Trump’s got it handled. Just not the part where “draining the swamp” includes anyone connected to investigating billionaires who groomed children like they were trying to win a perverse PTA raffle.
The MAGA base, bless their irony-deficient hearts, are already cheering this on.
The same folks screaming “WHERE’S THE EPSTEIN LIST?” are now clapping like undercaffeinated seals at the firing of the woman actually holding the receipts. Because let’s be honest—when you build your entire personality around stopping pedophiles, it’s a bold move to torch the one person who’s actually prosecuted them.
But that’s the magic trick, isn’t it?
Distract the masses with drag queen panic and woke book bans, while the real predators fly coach on Air Epstein and get round-the-clock Secret Service protection.
This wasn’t just firing a prosecutor.
This was cutting the brake line on an investigation that never got to finish.
Maurene Comey was a problem—not because she was corrupt, but because she was competent.
And when your inner circle overlaps with Epstein’s guest list more than a Palm Beach HOA meeting, you can’t afford competence.
The message is clear:
Don’t ask questions. Don’t follow the money.
And definitely don’t prosecute the rich guy who “didn’t kill himself.”
Let’s be real:
If Biden fired a woman investigating child sex trafficking, Fox News would literally burst into evangelical flames.
But when Trump does it? It’s just “executive discretion.”
At some point, you have to wonder:
How loud does the cover-up have to be before people stop mistaking it for patriotism?
Because if you’re firing the person chasing Epstein’s ghost…
Maybe the monster isn’t under the bed.
Maybe it’s in the West Wing.