In a move that’s as logically airtight as a screen door on a submarine, former President Trump and DHS Secretary Noem have taken aim at FEMA—America’s go-to rescue agency—just as disaster struck in Texas. Their timing? Impeccable. Their strategy? Let’s just say it’s working about as well as a paper umbrella in a flood.
Act 1: Set Up the Gaffes
It started with Trump’s well-timed proclamation that FEMA is “woke” and hopelessly biased, accusing them of running the agency like a political office instead of an emergency response team. Then Noem jumped in with a gem: a policy that requires her personal sign-off on any FEMA spending over $100,000. Because who doesn’t want to be the gatekeeper of billions in disaster relief?
Together, they launched a two-pronged attack: insult the responders and micromanage contracts—all while disasters escalated and calls for help piled up unanswered.
Act 2: The Inevitable Backfire
Predictably, FEMA did what agencies do: it reminded everyone that it controls the funding. That sparked panic among states in dire need of help, especially Texas, which was left waiting as floods worsened. What should have been immediate federal assistance—boats, relief, rescue teams—was ensnared in bureaucratic waiting rooms.
In short: the same people trashing FEMA were the ones blocking its ability to respond.
Act 3: The Perfect Storm of Irony
Now the country watches as Texas floods and staffers scramble, all under the weight of a policy designed to “reform” FEMA by slowing down its essential functions. Meanwhile, critics decry the micromanagement and drone-straining delays that followed.
So kudos to Team Trump–Noem: they’ve perfected the art of punching the ambulance while it’s still en route.
Final Thoughts
Mock as you will, this isn’t just politics—it’s literal public safety. Because while you’re busy taking shots at FEMA, people are still drowning. And no amount of press release spin will fix that.