Witch Hunt or Fever Dream? Trump Declares War on Kamala, Beyoncé, and Oprah—Because Apparently the Moon Was Booked


In a move that would be deeply concerning if it weren’t also deeply incoherent, former President Donald J. Trump has called for the prosecution of Vice President Kamala Harris, cultural deity Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, and global empathy czarina Oprah Winfrey in connection with…the Epstein fallout. Yes, that Epstein fallout. The conspiracy theory that refuses to die, even after the facts did.

According to Trump, these three women of power and poise are somehow entangled in a web of global evil that he can’t quite describe, prove, or pronounce correctly—but rest assured, “it’s big, folks. It’s all coming out.”

It’s a bold legal strategy: go after the Vice President, the queen of American pop culture, and the nation’s most beloved billionaire therapist/book club empress… at the same time. Because when you’re scared, confused, and cornered, why not light three matches and run toward a gas leak?


Kamala Harris: Prosecuted for Existing While Vice President

Trump’s case against Kamala Harris seems to hinge on her proximity to power and the cardinal sin of speaking in full paragraphs. He accused her of “knowing things”—a terrifying prospect to any man whose understanding of governance begins and ends with “sir” anecdotes and color-coded hats.

Her actual alleged crime? Vague. Maybe “looking smug.” Maybe “being competent in public.” Possibly “being the first Black and South Asian woman to reach the vice presidency without asking his permission.”

If Trump’s legal logic holds, Harris could be indicted for blinking incorrectly while wearing a pantsuit.


Beyoncé: The Illuminati Has Entered the Chat

Next on Trump’s fantasy indictment board is Beyoncé—because if you’re going to accuse someone of global corruption, it may as well be the woman who turned a Coachella set into a doctoral thesis.

He reportedly referred to her as “suspiciously influential” and hinted that “no one gets that famous without something going on.” Which is ironic, coming from a man whose idea of subtlety is signing Bibles in disaster zones.

The theory goes something like this: Beyoncé is powerful. Epstein was powerful. Therefore… handcuffs? It’s less a legal accusation and more a jealousy spiral set to a slowed-down remix of “Run the World.”

One White House insider (read: someone on Truth Social) even claimed that Beyoncé’s 2016 Super Bowl performance was “the real turning point in American justice.” In that case, put the handcuffs on rhythm and excellence too.


Oprah: The Final Boss

Finally, Oprah. The woman who gave us Dr. Phil, book clubs, car giveaways, and the illusion that healing is just one matching armchair away. Trump, a man who once said “I love Oprah” before realizing she was smarter than him, now seems convinced she’s at the center of everything.

He implied that she “knows too much” and once hosted “the wrong kinds of people” on her couch. What he failed to mention is that his own legal team once asked Oprah to mediate a property dispute he started with a mirror.

Oprah, who has survived decades of fame without scandal, is now being rebranded by Trumpworld as the quiet queen of corruption. Because in the logic of this fever dream, success must be suspicious—especially when it’s achieved with grace, poise, and vocabulary.


The Common Thread? Power Without Permission

Kamala. Beyoncé. Oprah. Three women who have risen to the top without asking men like Trump for approval. And in Trump’s universe, that’s the ultimate crime. It’s not the Epstein connection that scares him. It’s the power these women hold—earned, unbothered, and impossible to subpoena.

He can’t outtalk Kamala. He can’t outsell Beyoncé. He can’t out-inspire Oprah. So he does what any ego trapped in a legal spiral would do: he screams “conspiracy!” into a microphone shaped like a grudge.


Final Thought:
When a man this desperate for relevance goes after three women this powerful, it’s not justice—it’s projection in full drag. Kamala will keep governing. Beyoncé will keep selling out stadiums. Oprah will keep healing the world one voice memo at a time. And Trump? He’ll keep shouting at windmills, whales, and women who make him feel small.

It’s not a witch hunt. It’s a tantrum. And these women are not witches—they’re architects of influence. Which, to a man like Trump, is far more terrifying.