Mango Mussolini Endorses Bibi, Entire Planet Becomes Less Safe
In a completely normal and definitely sane post on Truth Social—the platform for people too unhinged for Twitter and too banned for LinkedIn—Donald Trump has once again clacked his stubby fingers across the keyboard of prophecy, this time to defend his favorite authoritarian pen pal: Benjamin “Bugs Bunny Cigar King” Netanyahu.
According to Trump, Bibi isn’t just a Prime Minister. He’s a WARRIOR. A “warrior like perhaps no other Warrior in the History of Israel,” which is a bold statement considering Trump couldn’t name three Israeli leaders unless they’d sent him edible arrangements.
The post, which reads like it was dictated to a psychotic parrot during a crushed-Adderall high, included all the greatest hits: ALL CAPS, unhinged syntax, historical revisionism, imagined nuclear near-misses, and the bold assertion that the United States saved Israel because—checks notes—Trump exists.
When a War Criminal Says You’re Doing Great, Maybe Don’t Celebrate
There’s a time-honored rule in politics: if Trump says you’re the best at something, it’s probably time to lawyer up. So when he praises Bibi as the “greatest warrior,” a man “fighting literally for the Survival of Israel,” and declares the trial against him “UNTHINKABLE!”—well, it might be time for Netanyahu to consider early retirement and a VPN.
This is the same man who:
- Called white supremacists “very fine people.”
- Mistook the nuclear triad for a Pokémon evolution.
- Praised Kim Jong Un’s leadership style like he was reviewing a new line of Crocs.
So yeah. Getting a thumbs-up from Trump is less of a compliment and more of a spiritual audit.
Let’s Talk About That Trial, Though
Netanyahu is, hilariously, still on trial for bribery, fraud, and breach of trust, in a case involving—among other things:
- Gifts of cigars and pink champagne
- Manipulating media coverage in exchange for regulatory favors
- And yes, a Bugs Bunny doll, which we assume is now being deposed in a small, confused voice
But Trump, ever the master of legal projection, smells a “WITCH HUNT!” Because if there’s one thing he understands, it’s being held accountable for crimes you absolutely committed while yelling that you’re the victim.
He describes the case as “concerning cigars, a Bugs Bunny doll, and numerous other unfair charges,” which is also how he described the Mueller investigation. If there’s a legal phrase for “This clown has incriminated himself in a press release again,” it’s probably just called “Trumping.”
Trump’s Hero Complex: Starring… Himself (Again)
Of course, the real subject of the post isn’t Bibi. It’s Trump. Always Trump.
He refers to “working in perfect harmony” with the “President of the United States, ME,” in case you forgot who the protagonist of every global conflict is. The man could write an obituary and still refer to himself in the third person:
“Grandma died peacefully, surrounded by family and the very powerful presence of Donald J. Trump.”
He even manages to slide in the geopolitical fever dream that he and Bibi eliminated a nuclear threat “that was going to happen, SOON!” Which sounds suspiciously like someone describing a plot twist they just made up during a Fox News commercial break.
Reminder: This Is Who Half the Country Still Listens To
This post isn’t just deranged—it’s a symptom. Of a country where half the population still thinks Trump’s opinion matters, and the other half can’t decide whether to laugh or get their passports renewed.
And now he’s anointing himself the savior of Israel—because of course he is.
This man believes he is God’s chosen realtor.
He thinks geopolitics is a TikTok duet.
And the worst part? Netanyahu welcomes it—because when you’re knee-deep in legal quicksand, you take the rope no matter how orange or sticky it is.
Closing Thought: Just Because Someone’s Loud Doesn’t Mean They’re Right
Trump’s endorsement isn’t just unhelpful—it’s radioactive. It’s like getting character testimony from the Joker at your parole hearing.
So if you’re watching from abroad, wondering whether America is okay:
No. We are not.
But we are at least aware enough to say:
Maybe getting a shout-out from Mango Mussolini isn’t the win you think it is.