In a furious all-caps missive on Truth Social (a platform that’s just Facebook with delusions of relevance), Donald J. Trump lashed out at former buddy Elon Musk—declaring the billionaire has gone “off the rails,” become a “TRAIN WRECK,” and is basically trying to derail American democracy with the most heinous crime of all: starting a third political party.
Yes, a third party. You know—the kind that threatens to steal 6% of Trump’s vote and all of his spotlight.
Key Highlights from Trump’s Emotional Train Manifesto:
Elon Musk = TRAIN WRECK
Radical Left = Mindless & Confidence-less
GOP = “Smooth Running Machine” (like a ’92 lawnmower)
EV Mandate = CANCELED (freedom to pump gas now restored)
NASA = Too important for Elon’s “space bros”
Let’s Break This Down, Shall We?
Trump—once so cozy with Musk he basically treated Tesla stock like it was part of his campaign finance plan—has turned on his former megadonor like a man realizing his ex just launched a competing OnlyFans.
“He even wants to start a Third Political Party,” Trump fumes, “despite the fact they’ve never succeeded in the U.S.”
Which is… fair. But also ironic coming from the guy who once flirted with forming the “Patriot Party” because Fox News wouldn’t return his calls.
The GOP Is a Smooth Running What Now?
Trump also referred to Republicans as a:
“smooth running machine.”
This is rich coming from the party currently:
- Eating its own in Congress
- Investigating Taylor Swift
- Being sued by its own lawyers
- And trying to pass bills banning gas stoves and drag brunches
But sure, smooth. Like a Hummer with three flat tires and a QAnon bumper sticker.
Electric Vehicle Mandate = Dead (Long Live Gasoline!)
Trump triumphantly announced the cancellation of the EV mandate that never quite existed in the first place. But who needs facts when you’ve got Freedom™️?
“People are now allowed to buy whatever they want,” he proclaims, as if anyone was previously jailed for buying a Honda Civic.
He then attacks Musk for being surprised about this, despite the fact Trump definitely mentioned it in “every speech” and “every conversation.”
(It’s unclear if Elon was present for any of those.)
NASA, But Make It Personal
Perhaps the most absurd part?
Trump casually reveals that Elon tried to get his friend appointed to run NASA—a man described as a “blue blooded Democrat,” which in Trump’s America is basically just code for literate.
Trump, ever the defender of objective governance, concludes this was:
“Inappropriate. My Number One charge is to protect the American Public!”
Translation: “I will protect America from Electric Vehicles, Musk’s friend’s résumé, and facts.”
Final Thoughts
What we are witnessing is a billionaire breakup in real time. Musk and Trump were once a power couple of tax cuts and mutual delusion. Now they’re rage-posting at each other across failing platforms like two uncles fighting at Thanksgiving.
Musk wants a third party.
Trump wants a fourth wall to break.
And America? America just wants to drive its Subaru in peace and never hear the phrase “EV mandate” again.
Stay tuned. At this rate, next week Trump will claim Elon tried to install solar panels on the Lincoln Memorial.