A curious tension often exists between what we experience and what we publicly acknowledge. This week, my thoughts have been consumed by a phenomenon that, in its quiet pervasiveness, strikes me as one of the most insidious threats to our collective well-being: Things We Need to Stop Pretending Are Normal. In our hyper-connected, often performative world, there’s a troubling tendency to normalize, minimize, or even glamorize aspects of life that are, in fact, profoundly dysfunctional, unjust, or simply absurd. It’s like a pervasive, collective agreement to ignore the fundamental cracks in our foundations, pretending they’re just aesthetic flaws, rather than signs of potential collapse.
As someone who has navigated life’s complex currents, from profound personal trauma to a career in healthcare (witnessing systemic inequalities firsthand), and now observing society with a hopefully clearer, more discerning lens, I’m here to shed light on some realities that we desperately need to acknowledge for what they truly are: not normal, and often, deeply dangerous. It’s time to disrupt the comfortable hum of complacency and actively seek a clearer, more honest understanding of our shared existence.
The Normalization Trap: When Familiarity Breeds Complacency
The human capacity for adaptation is incredible, a testament to our resilience, but it can also be a double-edged sword. We possess an astonishing ability to become so accustomed to certain conditions, behaviors, or injustices that they simply blend into the background, becoming “normal” through sheer repetition and prolonged exposure, even if they are fundamentally harmful, illogical, or profoundly unfair. This normalization trap is insidious; it subtly, almost imperceptibly, lowers our collective standards for what is acceptable, what is just, and what constitutes a healthy, equitable society. It’s like living in a gradually thickening haze, where, over time, we forget what a truly clear, unobstructed sky of fairness and well-being actually looks like.
Here are some profound realities I believe we, as a society, desperately need to stop pretending are normal:
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Medical Debt as a Right of Passage: The notion that becoming ill or suffering an unexpected accident can, and often will, financially cripple you, plunging you into bankruptcy or decades of debilitating debt, is utterly absurd for a developed, wealthy nation. We have, disturbingly, normalized the existence of over $1.7 trillion in outstanding U.S. student loan debt (as of 2024), but the pervasive expectation that a life-saving medical procedure or a necessary course of treatment should result in financial ruin for an insured family is a barbaric relic, a profound moral failing. It forces individuals to delay crucial care, live in constant financial terror, and pushes millions into poverty. In virtually every other developed country, such a system is considered an abomination. Stop pretending that a medical emergency should automatically come with a bill that irrevocably destroys lives. This isn’t normal; it’s a profound ethical failing, a systemic injustice that places immense, unnecessary pressure on countless households.
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The Glorification of ‘Hustle Culture’ and Chronic Burnout: The relentless, often punitive, societal push to be constantly productive, always “on,” always grinding away at work, often at the direct expense of mental health, physical well-being, and personal relationships, is not a badge of honor; it’s a recipe for widespread societal breakdown. We have normalized chronic stress, pervasive sleep deprivation, and the erosion of any semblance of work-life balance as badges of ambition or indicators of success. This toxic culture leads directly to widespread burnout, rampant mental health crises (which, from my RN background, I know are pervasive and devastating across all demographics), and a fundamental devaluing of rest, leisure, and genuine well-being. It’s not normal to be constantly exhausted; it’s a symptom of an unhealthy, unsustainable system that systematically drains every individual’s vital energy and creative potential.
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The ‘Both Sides’ Fallacy When One Side Denies Humanity: As I explored in a recent Opinionated Sting, the pervasive insistence on giving false equivalence or equal weight to arguments that fundamentally question the humanity, deny the existence, or strip away the basic rights of marginalized groups is not just unhelpful; it is profoundly dangerous. It’s not a “normal” political debate when one “side” actively advocates for policies that strip away reproductive freedom, criminalize transgender identity, or actively demonize queer lives. This is not merely a difference of opinion on policy; it’s a fundamental moral chasm, a direct attack on dignity and equality. Pretending it’s a balanced, reasonable discussion normalizes bigotry, legitimizes hate, and empowers those who seek to divide and oppress. It’s like pretending a destructive atmospheric phenomenon is just a mild weather variation.
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Social Media Toxicity as ‘Just How It Is’: We have become disturbingly accustomed to the pervasive negativity, performative outrage, constant judgment, and rampant spread of misinformation that often defines social media platforms. We passively scroll past instances of online harassment, cyberbullying, public shaming, and the insidious dissemination of dangerous conspiracy theories as if it’s merely background noise or an unavoidable byproduct of digital life. This isn’t normal, healthy human interaction; it’s a corrosive, often traumatic, environment that erodes empathy, fragments truth, and contributes significantly to widespread anxiety, depression, and social isolation. The internet of the 2000s, while imperfect, felt like a much clearer digital sky, a space where organic connection could thrive without constant algorithmic manipulation.
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The Glaring Invisibility (or Normalization) of the Homelessness Crisis: In major cities across the country, we drive past sprawling encampments, witness countless individuals suffering visibly on the streets, and are exposed to rampant untreated mental health and substance abuse crises, often averting our gaze and pretending this is an unchangeable, “normal” aspect of urban life. It is not. It is a profound, systemic failure of social policy, a stark manifestation of unchecked economic inequality, and a deeply concerning lapse in collective compassion. Normalizing this pervasive suffering allows us to ignore the systemic issues that create it, and it profoundly diminishes our own shared humanity. It’s a dark shadow stretching across our supposed collective prosperity, a stark reminder of societal failure.
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Dating as a Series of ‘Situationships’ & Casual Ghosting: The normalization of ambiguous, non-committal relationships and the pervasive phenomenon of ghosting, particularly in some corners of the gay dating scene, is emotionally exhausting and fundamentally unhealthy. While individual choices for casual relationships are valid for those who genuinely seek them, pretending that a chronic lack of clear communication, a fundamental disrespect for another person’s feelings, and an avoidance of direct emotional engagement is “just how dating is now” is a dangerous form of emotional detachment. It perpetuates a cycle of insecurity, exacerbates emotional pain, and ultimately prevents genuine, deep connections from blooming. My recent, unexpected experience with ghosting, post-San Francisco magic, is a fresh, personal reminder of this particular absurdity and its lingering emotional impact.
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The Idea That People Are Simply Born ‘Unlucky’ in Life: We often subtly, or overtly, normalize vast disparities in opportunity, education, health outcomes, and economic success by simply shrugging our shoulders and concluding that some people are just “unlucky” or “lazy.” This narrative conveniently ignores the profound systemic barriers of racism, generational poverty, deeply entrenched discrimination, and unequal access to vital resources that actively prevent countless individuals from reaching their full potential. It’s not normal that a child’s entire life trajectory is largely determined by their zip code or the color of their skin; it’s a fundamental failure of collective responsibility, a profound crack in the edifice of a truly equitable society.
Clearing the Sky: The Imperative to Disrupt Complacency
Refusing to pretend these pervasive realities are “normal” is the first, crucial, and profoundly courageous step towards demanding something fundamentally better for ourselves and for all members of our society. It’s about actively disrupting the comfortable hum of complacency and courageously seeking a clearer, more honest horizon, even if that honesty is uncomfortable.
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Acknowledge and Validate: Begin by simply acknowledging, both personally and publicly, that these pervasive issues are not normal, and unequivocally validating the lived experiences of those who suffer from them. Their pain is real; their struggles are legitimate and not to be dismissed.
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Question the Status Quo Relentlessly: Develop a keen, critical eye. Ask challenging questions: Why are things the way they are? Who benefits from this “normality”? What historical, systemic, or economic forces are at play that perpetuate these conditions?
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Demand Accountability: Hold institutions, corporations, and political leaders accountable for perpetuating or failing to adequately address these systemic issues. Our voices, collectively, possess immense power.
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Engage, Don’t Tune Out: Resist the powerful, often seductive, urge to retreat into apathy or disengagement. Your voice, your vote, your actions, however small they may seem individually, can contribute to a larger, transformative current of change. As I’ve always maintained, while I refuse to extend empathy and love to those who are actively unwilling to extend it themselves, I also adamantly refuse to let that frustration lead me to apathy towards profound systemic injustices. My personal choice is to guard my emotional essence, but to continue to fight the good fight with unwavering resolve.
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Cultivate Profound Empathy: Actively work to understand perspectives beyond your own immediate experience. Empathy is the ultimate antidote to indifference, helping to powerfully dissipate the dense fog of self-interest and foster genuine human connection.
The journey towards a more just, equitable, and compassionate society is undeniably long and challenging, but it unequivocally begins with a collective refusal to accept the unacceptable. It starts with bravely, vocally calling out what is not normal, and demanding a clearer, brighter sky for everyone. Let our collective voice rise above the complacent hum, disrupting the normalized absurdity and pushing relentlessly for a future where true well-being, justice, and dignity are the only normal we know.
What “normalcies” do you find yourself questioning lately? What societal patterns do we desperately need to disrupt? Share your insights below – let’s keep this Wildcard Wanderings generating powerful reflections and pushing for clearer skies!