Welcome to The Wildcard Wanderings, where today we’re taking a detour from the usual buzz to delve into something far more personal and profound: my journey with cancer. This isn’t just a story about illness; it’s about a complete shift in perspective, a re-evaluation of life’s “nectar,” and the unexpected paths we sometimes find ourselves on.
My life, as you know from my profile, has always been largely defined by my career. The pursuit of professional goals, financial stability, and continuous learning (hello, dual Master’s degrees!) always came first. Travel, fun, romance, deeper friendships – these were things I perpetually put on the back burner, promising myself I’d get to them later. Life, I thought, was a long, endless road. Then, on August 5th, 2022, that illusion shattered.
I remember it vividly. Sitting at home, alone as often was the case in my single life, enjoying a chicken fried steak – a simple birthday treat. Suddenly, a piece got lodged in my throat. I couldn’t breathe. The panic was immediate and terrifying. I rushed to the bathroom, desperately trying to dislodge it, ultimately having to force myself to throw up to clear my airway. It scared the living shit out of me.
The next day, still shaken, I went to the doctor. They initially diagnosed me with strep throat, but during the examination, they found something else: a mass. It was quickly identified as Stage 2 aggressive Oropharyngeal squamous cell carcinoma, located behind my throat. The world, as I knew it, just stopped “buzzing” for a moment.
The Unseen Challenges of Diagnosis and Treatment
Getting a cancer diagnosis is like being thrown into an entirely different realm. The initial shock, the fear, the endless appointments, the scans, the biopsies – it’s a relentless barrage. My first round of radiation treatment began, but old habits die hard. My ingrained “career first” mentality led me to try and juggle work and treatment. I regrettably missed several radiation sessions, and the consequences were stark: the mass continued to grow. It was a painful wake-up call that my priorities had to shift. I eventually changed jobs, actively seeking a role that would afford me the crucial time and flexibility needed for proper treatment.
Now, I’m currently undergoing oral chemotherapy. And let me tell you, it’s a different kind of beast. The challenges aren’t just physical; they’re emotional and mental too. The constant nausea is a shadow that follows me, making even the thought of food a struggle at times. There’s a pervasive sickness, a feeling akin to having the worst flu you can imagine, day in and day out. Fatigue isn’t just tiredness; it’s an overwhelming heaviness that makes simple tasks monumental. Your body aches, your mind fogs, and maintaining any semblance of “normalcy” becomes a Herculean effort. It’s an exhausting battle, truly draining the “nectar” from your days.
A New Chapter: Prioritizing Life’s Sweetest Nectar
But through this immense challenge, a profound transformation has occurred. The close call on my birthday and the subsequent diagnosis were like a sharp, undeniable “sting” that forced me to re-evaluate everything. My career had been my sole focus, my identity, my security blanket. I had always believed there would be endless “tomorrows” for all the other joys of life. Cancer showed me the fragility of “tomorrow.”
The shift has been monumental. My outlook on life has completely changed. The desire to travel more and actually see the things I had been putting off has become an urgent, exhilarating priority. I yearn to develop deeper friendships, to truly connect and nurture those bonds that I had let languish. And, perhaps most significantly, I’m actively looking for the love of my life. That romantic partnership I always pushed aside now feels like an essential missing piece, a profound “sweet treat” I no longer want to defer.
This journey is far from over, and each day brings its own set of trials. But with every wave of nausea, every flu-like ache, there’s also a renewed sense of purpose. The hive has expanded, not just in ambition, but in the appreciation for its most precious elements: connection, experience, and love. This blog is part of that journey – a space to share, to process, and to remind myself, and perhaps others, that life’s most valuable treasures often lie beyond the career ladder, waiting patiently to be discovered before time runs out.
Thank you for wandering into this wildcard post with me. Your support and understanding mean the world.