The world, my friends, is currently bathed in a golden light. My heart is genuinely soaring, a feeling so expansive it could encompass the entire horizon. Today marked the beginning of a weekend that has, so far, been nothing short of pure, unadulterated magic. I drove down to Austin, pulled up to his door, and the moment I saw him, the blue-eyed beautiful human being I’ve been spending countless hours talking to, he quite literally took my breath away when we hugged in his living room. It was a profound, immediate connection, a palpable shift in the atmosphere.
From that breathtaking embrace, we embarked on the four-hour drive to Dallas, the conversation flowing effortlessly between us the entire way, filling the space with laughter, shared stories, and a deepening sense of connection. The night unfolded beautifully: an amazing afternoon of shopping at the outlet mall (a delightful indulgence!), followed by an incredible dinner where the food only enhanced the already sparkling conversation. Later, I had the immense pleasure of showing him the gay district in Dallas that I used to frequent in my 20s – a place of personal history, of self-discovery, and now, of shared joy. And yes, in this space that felt so personally significant, we shared quite a bit of public displays of affection, a quiet defiance and a loud celebration of genuine connection. I simply cannot stop smiling. The joy feels almost overwhelming.
And it’s this very feeling – this profound, unapologetic joy and vulnerability – that brings me to today’s topic, one that frequently dampens the atmosphere for those of us who feel deeply: “I’m Not Being Too Sensitive, You’re Just an Asshole.” This isn’t just a catchy phrase; it’s a necessary reclamation of emotional ground, a direct challenge to the pervasive gaslighting that dismisses legitimate emotional responses as personal failings.
The Weaponization of ‘Sensitivity’: A Dismissive Current
In our society, particularly for men, showing emotion beyond anger or stoicism is often met with subtle (or not-so-subtle) disdain. The term “sensitive” has been weaponized, turned into a pejorative, a dismissal. If you react strongly to injustice, if you feel deeply, if you express sadness or vulnerability, you’re often accused of being “too sensitive,” “overly emotional,” or “dramatic.” This is a tactic used to invalidate your feelings, to silence your voice, and to maintain a status quo that benefits those who prefer emotional detachment or outright cruelty.
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The Invalidating Playbook: When you confront someone about their unkindness, their thoughtlessness, their prejudice, or their outright bigotry, and their immediate response is, “You’re just being too sensitive,” it’s a classic deflection. It shifts the focus from their problematic behavior to your emotional response, making your feelings the problem, rather than their actions. This is a form of emotional gaslighting, designed to make you doubt your own perceptions and reactions.
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Silencing Legitimate Outrage: The “too sensitive” label is particularly insidious when applied to reactions to injustice. Witnessing systemic racism, homophobia, misogyny, or economic inequality often elicits righteous anger, profound sadness, or deep frustration. To be told you’re “too sensitive” in response to these realities is to be told that your empathy is a flaw, and that the suffering of others is not worth your emotional investment. It’s an attempt to maintain a comfortable, indifferent atmosphere for those who benefit from the prevailing currents.
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The Gendered Expectation: For men, this dismissal of “sensitivity” is often tied to rigid gender norms, where emotional stoicism is equated with “manliness.” As a gay man who embraces emotional depth and vulnerability (and who has railed against the limited definitions of masculinity in previous Wildcard Wanderings), I’ve experienced this firsthand. Showing tears, expressing hurt, or demanding emotional honesty can be met with confusion or even contempt from those who subscribe to outdated notions of male behavior.
When an Asshole Is Just an Asshole: Calling It What It Is
Here’s the inconvenient truth: sometimes, someone isn’t just “different.” Sometimes, their words are not merely “misunderstood.” Sometimes, their actions are not simply “unintentional.” Sometimes, a person is just being an asshole. And your accurate, empathetic, and entirely justified emotional response to their assholery is not a flaw in you; it’s a testament to your humanity.
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Prejudice Disguised as Opinion: When a person makes a homophobic joke, a racist remark, or dismisses someone’s identity, and then justifies it by saying, “It’s just my opinion, don’t be so sensitive,” they’re not expressing a valid viewpoint. They’re revealing their prejudice, and attempting to deflect accountability by blaming your emotional response. Your “sensitivity” is not the problem; their bigotry is.
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Lack of Empathy, Not Just Disagreement: True disagreement involves a clash of ideas, a debate over policy. Being an asshole, however, often involves a fundamental lack of empathy, a deliberate disregard for another person’s feelings or well-being. It’s choosing to inflict a negative impact, whether through words or actions, and then dismissing the resultant emotional turbulence.
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Reclaiming Your Emotional Ground: It’s a powerful act of self-preservation to reclaim your emotional ground. When someone says, “You’re too sensitive,” you can, internally or externally, respond: “No, you’re just being an asshole, and I’m a human being with valid emotions.” This shifts the problem back to where it belongs: with their behavior, not with your capacity to feel.
The Power of Authentic Feeling: Forging Clearer Skies
Choosing to feel deeply, to react honestly, and to call out harmful behavior, even when it’s easier to simply shrug it off, is an act of profound strength. It’s a refusal to allow the pervasive atmosphere of indifference or performative stoicism to define your emotional landscape.
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Authenticity as a Compass: My journey has taught me that living authentically, embracing my emotional depth, is my compass. It’s how I connect with others, how I experience joy, and how I recognize injustice. Suppressing it for others’ comfort would be a betrayal of myself.
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Protecting Your Inner Space: Recognizing assholery for what it is, and refusing to internalize the “too sensitive” label, is crucial for protecting your own mental well-being. You don’t have to engage with every toxic current, but you also don’t have to blame yourself for feeling its impact.
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Inspiring Others: When we bravely express our true feelings, we create space for others to do the same. We challenge the norms that demand emotional repression, contributing to a clearer, more honest atmosphere for everyone.
As I spend this magical weekend in Dallas, sharing laughs, roller coaster thrills, deep conversations, and unashamed PDA, I’m reminded of the immense joy that comes from genuine connection and authentic expression. My emotional landscape is vibrant, and I refuse to let anyone’s discomfort or assholery dim its light. If my feelings are too much for you, then perhaps the problem isn’t with my sensitivity; it’s with your capacity for empathy. And that, frankly, is a reality worth calling out.
What moments have made you realize you weren’t “too sensitive,” but simply reacting to someone else’s unkindness? How do you protect your emotional ground in a world that often dismisses genuine feeling? Share your thoughts below – let’s keep this Social Swarm Speak generating genuine dialogue and demanding a more empathetic atmosphere for all!