The bags are packed for a different kind of journey tomorrow morning. I’m hitting the road, heading straight for Austin, my heart buzzing with anticipation for a weekend away with my blue-eyed Romeo. Every conversation with him, every shared laugh, every late-night phone call, feels like another check mark on a compatibility list I once thought was purely aspirational: same goals, same dreams, same fundamental ideas. It’s early days, of course, but the alignment feels… profound. The atmosphere around us is charged with a quiet, thrilling promise.
This personal bliss, this hopeful glimpse of a future where my life might just unfold with the kind of ease I now seek, invariably brings me back to a pervasive societal frustration. It’s the persistent, baffling inclination of some individuals to concern themselves with the lives of others, particularly those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, in ways that defy logic, empathy, and common decency. And today, I’m putting my foot down: If you don’t like drag shows, don’t go. If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t marry a gay person. Our lives don’t impact you.
The Uninvited Guest: Why My Existence Isn’t Your Problem
It’s truly a perplexing aspect of human behavior: the obsessive need to police the lives of strangers, especially when those lives, by their very nature, pose no threat, cause no harm, and demand nothing from the self-appointed moral arbiters. My existence as a gay man, my relationships, my choices, the way I choose to express myself – none of these fundamentally alter your life, your beliefs, or your personal sphere. Your comfort, or lack thereof, with my identity is, quite simply, your issue, not mine.
This is not a difficult concept. It’s an exercise in basic self-restraint and respect for autonomy. Let’s break it down:
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Drag Shows and Public Space: The sudden, manufactured outrage over drag shows is a prime example of this unwarranted intrusion. Drag, an ancient art form rooted in performance, satire, and often, queer expression, is not inherently harmful. If you find it distasteful, if it doesn’t align with your entertainment preferences, then don’t go to one. It’s truly that simple. No one is forcing you into a theater seat or a brunch reservation. Your personal aversion to sequins and theatricality does not grant you the right to legislate the livelihoods of performers or deny a community its spaces of joy and creative expression. The existence of a drag queen, however flamboyant, does not, in any way, diminish your own chosen form of entertainment. Your discomfort is not an emergency.
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Gay Marriage and Personal Faith: The enduring debate over gay marriage, despite its legal establishment nationwide, is another battleground for unnecessary interference. Some individuals hold sincere religious beliefs that do not affirm same-sex marriage. And in a free society, they are absolutely entitled to those beliefs and to practice them within their private congregations. However, where that right ends, and where the line is crossed into egregious overreach, is when those personal beliefs are leveraged to deny another citizen their fundamental civil right to marry. If you don’t like gay marriage, then don’t marry a gay person. My marriage, my commitment to my partner, does not invalidate your marriage, your faith, or your understanding of family. It simply expands the definition of love recognized by the state. My love does not diminish yours. It’s a remarkably clear atmospheric separation.
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Gender Identity and Personal Expression: The escalating vitriol against transgender individuals, particularly the attempts to legislate their very existence and access to healthcare, is perhaps the most horrifying recent manifestation of this intrusive mindset. A person’s gender identity, their personal expression, their medical decisions, or their chosen pronouns do not, in any conceivable way, impact your daily life, your body, or your family structure. The decision to affirm one’s gender is a deeply personal, often life-saving, journey. Your discomfort with this reality does not grant you the right to deny medical care, legislate bathroom access, or ban books that simply reflect the diversity of human experience. My authentic self does not threaten your identity.
The Problem with Manufactured Outrage: A Distracting Performance
This pervasive need to control, to legislate personal lives that do not impact one’s own, stems from a deeper place than simple disagreement. It’s often fueled by:
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Fear of the Unknown: What one doesn’t understand can often be deemed a threat.
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Rigid Ideology: An inability to reconcile personal beliefs with the inherent diversity of human experience in a pluralistic society.
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Political Manipulation: Unscrupulous politicians and media figures often capitalize on these fears and biases, manufacturing outrage over “culture war” issues to distract from more substantive (and often less appealing) policy debates, or to mobilize a voter base through manufactured moral panics.
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The Comfort of Judgment: For some, judging others provides a false sense of moral superiority or control in a chaotic world.
This constant performance of outrage, often directed at the lives of marginalized people, is an exhausting distraction. It diverts energy and resources away from genuine societal problems that actually demand collective action and empathy.
Mind Your Biscuits: The Simple Wisdom for a Harmonious Life
My personal philosophy, honed through navigating complex relationships and the inherent drama of life, has become increasingly straightforward: Mind your biscuits. This delightful, Southern-inspired idiom, stripped of any pretense, carries profound wisdom. It means:
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Focus on Your Own Plate: Tend to your own life, your own responsibilities, your own moral compass. Ensure your own affairs are in order, your own “biscuits” are perfectly baked.
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Respect Autonomy: Acknowledge that others have the same right to live their lives, make their choices, and pursue their happiness, as long as they are not causing direct harm to others.
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Choose Peace Over Conflict: If something does not directly impact you in a harmful way, and it brings joy or fulfillment to others, why waste your precious energy on outrage? Choose peace.
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Live and Let Live: Embrace the fundamental principle of a diverse society. Difference is not a threat; it is a richness that adds texture and vibrancy to our collective experience.
When we all collectively agree to mind our own biscuits, to focus on our own lives and our own well-being, the promise is clear: life will be gravy. The atmosphere becomes less charged with unnecessary conflict, more open to understanding, and ultimately, more conducive to a peaceful, harmonious existence for everyone. It allows every individual to define their own path without the constant pressure of external judgment.
I find myself deeply appreciative of the quiet freedom that comes from living authentically. My journey with my blue-eyed Romeo is our journey, one we will embark on with joy and integrity. And to anyone else who feels compelled to comment on it, or any other personal choices that do not concern them: mind your biscuits. There’s enough gravy for everyone.