It’s a question that hovers constantly in my mind, a persistent atmospheric phenomenon: How Many More ‘Historic Firsts’ Do We Have to Celebrate Before It’s Just Normal?
As a gay man who is about to turn 40 (my birthday, August 5th, is officially here!), and as someone who has witnessed decades of LGBTQ+ progress, this question resonates profoundly. Every step forward, every shattered barrier, every moment of visibility for queer individuals, is rightly celebrated as a “historic first.” And each one is important, a vital burst of sunshine breaking through long-standing clouds of prejudice. We cheer, we organize, we acknowledge the groundbreaking nature of these moments because they represent hard-won victories in a battle for basic human dignity.
But a part of me, a part that aches for true, pervasive equality, also asks: when does the “first” become the “norm”? When do we move beyond the need for constant, groundbreaking celebration to simply existing, equally and unequivocally, in the everyday tapestry of society? My hope for the future is a sky where every identity can simply be, without needing to be heralded as a “first” to justify its existence.
The Weight of the ‘First’: A Double-Edged Sky
Celebrating “historic firsts” is crucial. They are beacons, guiding lights for those who still live in the shadows. They show progress, inspire hope, and give marginalized communities undeniable victories to rally around. For instance, the first openly gay Senator, the first transgender person in a high-profile political role, the first same-sex couple on a major sitcom – these moments were transformative, opening doors and shifting perceptions. They generated a powerful, affirming energy that resonated across the entire social atmosphere.
However, there’s also a subtle, exhausting weight that comes with constantly being a “first” or celebrating “firsts.”
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The Burden of Representation: When you’re a “first,” you often become the sole representative for an entire community, carrying the immense burden of perfection. Any misstep can be seen as a failure of the entire group.
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Highlighting the Lack of Normality: Each “first” inherently underscores how abnormal it has been until now. It reminds us that fundamental equality is still an aspiration, not a universal reality. It points to a long, persistent period of invisibility and exclusion that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.
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The Need to Justify Existence: Constantly needing to celebrate “firsts” can, ironically, make it feel like our existence, our achievements, or our love requires special justification or exceptional circumstances to be acknowledged. We’re not looking for special treatment; we’re looking for equitable treatment, the right to exist without constant explanation.
It’s a strange dichotomy: we need these celebrated moments to mark progress, but simultaneously, we long for a future where they are no longer necessary because full equality and acceptance are simply the default setting, like the constant presence of sunshine.
My Horizon: San Francisco, Friendship, and a Whisper of Romance
The timing of these reflections is particularly poignant for me. I’m literally flying out tomorrow, heading to San Francisco with my incredible chosen work family (my “squad,” who mean the world to me and provide a vital cloud of support in my life!). We’ll be spending the entire week there, celebrating my 40th birthday – a milestone I’m embracing with a mix of gratitude, reflection, and renewed purpose after my journey with cancer. San Francisco, a historic beacon of LGBTQ+ liberation, feels like the perfect backdrop for these thoughts, a place that has long forged clear skies for queer people.
And there’s another layer of excitement, another hopeful current shaping my personal atmosphere this week: I’m incredibly excited (and yes, a little nervous!) because I will be meeting a very special person that I’ve been talking to romantically. We’ve connected deeply online, and this trip offers the chance to see if that connection truly blooms in person. My fingers are tightly crossed, hoping this particular celestial alignment brings a beautiful new energy into my personal domain.
This personal anticipation makes the longing for “normality” even stronger. I want to meet this person, to explore a potential connection, just like any other 40-year-old, without the weight of societal expectations or the need for it to be a “historic first” simply because it’s a queer relationship. I want our story to unfold naturally, like any beautiful landscape, rather than constantly being framed as an extraordinary achievement.
The Future Sky: When All Colors Simply Are
The ultimate goal, the true clear sky we strive for, is a world where a gay person getting married isn’t a “historic first” on a national news broadcast, but simply a wedding. Where a trans person holding public office isn’t a “brave first,” but simply a qualified public servant. Where a queer couple holding hands in public isn’t a “defiant act,” but simply a display of affection.
We are not asking for more pride than others; we are asking for the societal conditions that allow us to live with the same unburdened pride that heterosexual individuals enjoy every single day. We are asking for the quiet dignity of simply being, without constant struggle or constant celebration to justify our existence. We are asking for our identities to be as normal as the very air we breathe.
Until then, we will continue to celebrate every “historic first” with passion and gratitude, acknowledging the bravery of those who forge new paths. But we will also continue to push, to advocate, and to raise our voices, ensuring that these “firsts” are not isolated moments of recognition, but steps on a clear path towards a future where all identities are simply seen as inherent, valued parts of the human experience. A future where the atmosphere is truly inclusive, where all clouds of prejudice have dissipated, and where every unique individual can radiate their true self without needing permission.
What does “normal” look like for you regarding LGBTQ+ acceptance? What “firsts” do you hope become everyday realities? Share your thoughts below – let’s keep this Opinionated Sting illuminating our path towards a truly inclusive horizon.