In a move that confirms we are living in the world’s most expensive community theater production, the White House has officially tweeted a photo of Donald Trump dressed as Superman—yes, that Superman—with the caption:
“THE SYMBOL OF HOPE. TRUTH. JUSTICE. THE AMERICAN WAY. SUPERMAN TRUMP.”
Somewhere in a Kansas cornfield, Clark Kent just facepalmed so hard his glasses shattered.
Let’s unpack this with the grace and dignity of a slow-motion bald eagle exploding in front of an Arby’s.
TRUTH
Nothing says “truth” like 30,000 documented falsehoods, a rotating cast of indicted aides, and a social media platform that makes The Onion look like a law journal.
In this interpretation, Superman’s X-ray vision is replaced with the uncanny ability to see votes that don’t exist in counties that never mattered until two years ago.
Also, Superman tells the truth under a yellow sun. Trump tells the truth under oath… never.
JUSTICE
Of course! Because what better symbol of justice than a guy who once said his own indictment was “the best poll bump I’ve ever had”?
Superman stops bank robbers. Trump bankrupts casinos.
Superman saves people from burning buildings. Trump threatens to defund firefighters if they vote blue.
THE AMERICAN WAY
Ah, the American Way: fast food buffets in the White House, gold toilets in Manhattan, and a suspicious amount of affection for autocrats with first names like “Vlad.”
Superman fights for all people. Trump fights for the people on Truth Social who send him money and call him “Daddy Don.”
The Costume
Let’s talk about the photo.
Trump’s head is superimposed onto Superman’s body like someone accidentally clicked “merge layers” in Microsoft Paint. His hair, perfectly quaffed by the gods of wind resistance. His expression, a mix of constipation and messianic fervor.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants. Trump doesn’t wear pants at all during Zoom calls.
Final Thoughts: The Metaphor We Deserve
In a world that’s already survived four Spider-Men and a multiverse full of Batmen, it makes perfect sense that our timeline’s “hero” would be a 78-year-old real estate mogul cosplaying as Krypton’s finest.
The real irony? Superman is an immigrant. An alien. A refugee raised by farmers. The very embodiment of everything Trump once tried to build a wall around.
So if Trump is Superman now, then I guess we’re all just extras in the world’s weirdest reboot.
Coming soon to a theater near you:
“Superman: Dawn of the Disinformation Age”
Rated PG for populist gaslighting and light treason.