Latest posts
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Welcome to the Circus: A Love Letter to the American Experience (Now with Extra Fees!)
Being an American means never having to say, “This makes sense.” It’s waking up every day in a nation so committed to being “exceptional” that we’ve proudly invented our own measurement system, health care roulette, and the concept of a “patriotic brand of bottled water.” Let’s take a moment to appreciate the uniquely unhinged bingo
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Justice Served Cold: DOJ Officially Declares Jeffrey Epstein a Solo Act, Closes Case, and Exhales Deeply into a Shredder
In a stunning act of government transparency—so transparent it’s basically invisible—the U.S. Department of Justice announced Monday that Jeffrey Epstein did, in fact, die by suicide and that, in an absolutely unrelated coincidence, no client list exists. At all. None. Zip. Vanished. Poof. The DOJ further confirmed they have “no plans to release additional documents,”
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This Ain’t Your Grandma’s Gospel: The Trauma Bible – My Queer Psalms
I didn’t write The Trauma Bible to be brave. I wrote it because silence was killing me. This isn’t just a book of poems. It’s a reckoning. A resurrection. A glitter-soaked gospel for anyone who’s ever flinched when the floorboards creaked. For the ones who sat in church pews trying to make themselves small. For
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Why I’m Self-Publishing: When the Doors Don’t Open, Build Your Own
Not the Plan, But the Point” I believe LGBTQ+ stories deserve to exist on the page—not as punchlines, sidekicks, or cautionary tales—but as full, complex lives with agency, nuance, and joy. We are firefighters. Nurses. Teachers. Cops. Parents. Grocery store managers. Everyday people. And the more we tell our stories—ourselves, for ourselves—the harder it becomes
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Prisoners of Privilege: The Chrisleys Discover Pain, Growth, and How to Monetize Both
In this week’s episode of White Collar Confessions, Julie and Todd Chrisley—America’s favorite Southern fried fraudsters—are finally free. And by “free,” we mean legally pardoned after spending a whole year bravely enduring the prison system from the safety of low-security facilities with better amenities than your local Holiday Inn Express. Yes, folks, the same couple
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Confessions from a Needy Son of a Bitch
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Constant Need for Reassurance Hi, I’m the human equivalent of a pop-up ad asking, “Are you mad at me?”—and I’m here to tell you what it’s like to live life as a high-functioning emotional warranty department. I require attention like plants need sunlight, like influencers need
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A Comprehensive Field Guide to Bible Rules Christians Ignore While Policing Everyone Else’s Salvation
It’s not Christianity. It’s Christianity™: Now with 75% less Jesus, 100% more judgment, and a built-in persecution complex because someone said “Happy Holidays.”
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The Friendship Recession: America’s Loneliest Bull Market
We Have 17 Streaming Subscriptions and Zero Emergency Contacts Remember when people used to have best friends? Like, actual humans they saw in person, not just blurry profile pics you “like” once a month out of guilt? Well, welcome to the Friendship Recession—the only economic downturn that won’t get a bailout because it doesn’t impact
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Trump Weighs In on Netanyahu’s Trial, Accidentally Declares Himself Israel’s Messiah
Mango Mussolini Endorses Bibi, Entire Planet Becomes Less Safe In a completely normal and definitely sane post on Truth Social—the platform for people too unhinged for Twitter and too banned for LinkedIn—Donald Trump has once again clacked his stubby fingers across the keyboard of prophecy, this time to defend his favorite authoritarian pen pal: Benjamin
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Trickle-Down Yacht Club: Jeff Bezos Built a Superyacht Out of Your Food Stamps
Oh, America. Land of the free, home of the grossly overworked Amazon associate who just peed in a bottle so Jeff Bezos can afford to put marble countertops in his second yacht. Not the yacht—the yacht’s yacht. A little backup boat, like a bougie sidecar for when your primary vessel is too emotionally burdened by