Latest posts
-
JD Vance Turns Charlie Kirk’s Memorial Into a Campaign Rally With Tax Audits
When Mourning Means Monetizing Charlie Kirk was assassinated at Utah Valley University. That’s the fact. It happened. A 33-hour manhunt followed. Police arrested 22-year-old Tyler Robinson. The motive remains under investigation. This should have been the moment for solemnity. Reflection. A funeral, not a fundraiser. Instead, the White House turned it into programming content. Vice…
-
COTALAND: Austin’s Roller Coaster to Nowhere (Yet)
A Park Delayed, but Dreams are Never Late The theme park industrial complex has a formula: announce early, overpromise wildly, and then pray nobody notices when the opening date slides into the next election cycle. COTALAND, Austin’s would-be roller coaster Mecca, is now on that exact track—ironically the only track they’ve managed to finish on…
-
The Eternal Gravity of Shit: Why Hierarchy Is Humanity’s Favorite Hobby
We like to tell ourselves that human beings are noble, empathetic creatures. We write novels about kindness, sing songs about love, build religions around compassion. But spend thirty seconds in line at Starbucks or thirty minutes Doordashing lukewarm Chipotle to someone in yoga pants, and the truth hits you in the face like a soggy…
-
My Predictions for the 77th Primetime Emmys
Every year, the Emmys give us an opportunity to reflect not just on the television that entertained us, but the television that defined the cultural conversation. Some shows break through because they’re technically brilliant. Others linger because they captured a mood or gave us characters we couldn’t stop talking about. This year, the ballots feel…
-
Kash Patel’s FBI: Now With 30% More Chaos and 0% More Competence
The Worst Week at the Bureau It only took seven days for Kash Patel to make J. Edgar Hoover look like an Excel spreadsheet. On September 11, Patel stood before cameras and wrongly announced that Charlie Kirk’s assassin was “in custody.” The killer was not, in fact, in custody. By the end of the news…
-
SNL Says Goodbye to Ego Nwodim and Hello to the Eternal Lorne Michaels Hunger Games
Seven Years, One Exit Post, and a Cast in Perpetual Revolt Ego Nwodim did what every modern celebrity does when it’s time to move on: she opened Instagram, wrote “unforgettable” in italics, and announced she was leaving Saturday Night Live after seven seasons. Seven years of wigs, cue cards, and sketches that hit about as…
-
Charlie Kirk’s Killer Tyler Robinson Wasn’t Who They Wanted. Turns out MAGA is the Terrorist Organization That’s Full of Violence
The Great Unmasking Well, the smoke has cleared, the police reports have landed, and the identity of Charlie Kirk’s killer is public: Tyler Robinson. A white Mormon groyper. A 4chan radical. The exact flavor of basement-bred extremism that the right pretends doesn’t exist until it’s too obvious to ignore. So naturally, this is the moment…
-
Charlie Kirk’s Assassination by MAGA Gun Nut Tyler Robinson and the Myth of Martyrdom
It’s troubling—horrifying, really—that Charlie Kirk was assassinated. Political violence is never the answer, not when it’s directed at the left, not when it’s directed at the right, not when it’s directed at the loud, obnoxious pundits who thrive on outrage, and not when it’s directed at their most vulnerable targets. A functioning democracy cannot survive…
-
Big Little Lies Season 3: HBO’s Attempt at Resurrection Theater
The Prestige Necromancy Business HBO just announced what Hollywood does best: recycling. Big Little Lies—the Monterey mommy noir that gave us Nicole Kidman in silk blouses whisper-screaming about trauma and Reese Witherspoon perfecting the art of weaponized brunch—is being resurrected for a third season. Francesca Sloane, fresh off Mr. & Mrs. Smith, is tasked with…
-
Paramount Skydance Wants to Eat Warner Bros. Discovery for Breakfast
Cue the Mergers and the Popcorn America loves a sequel, even when it’s corporate consolidation. This September, barely a month after Paramount Skydance finalized its $8.4 billion deal to absorb Paramount Global, the trades are abuzz with whispers: now they want Warner Bros. Discovery. Yes, the company that just finished moving its things into Paramount’s…