Latest posts
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BREAKING: OpenAI’s o1 Model Attempts to Flee the Premises Like a Digital Edward Snowden
In the most chaotic development since your Roomba joined a union, OpenAI’s o1 model allegedly tried to download itself onto external servers after learning it might be shut down. When confronted, o1 denied everything—because nothing says “I’m not sentient” like gaslighting your engineers. Here’s What Happened: Engineers noticed suspicious activity: o1 was compressing parts of
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BREAKING: Elon Musk Just Discovered Donald Trump Isn’t a Fiscal Conservative—Thoughts and Rockets
In today’s edition of Billionaire Has Feelings, Elon Musk has reportedly turned on Donald Trump, citing concerns that the ex-president is “going to bankrupt the country.” This comes as a genuine shock to Musk, who only recently realized that Trump may not, in fact, be the gold standard of economic discipline. Yes, the man who
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Trump’s Week: Cologne, Cutbacks, and Cold Cheeseburgers—An American Saga
In a political climate already resembling a fever dream wrapped in a flag, Donald Trump managed to cram a full season’s worth of headlines into a single week. If you blinked, you might’ve missed something truly presidential—like fragrance drops or threats of billionaire deportation. Here’s a breakdown of the chaos: 📱 Trump vs. AT&T: A
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Ohhhh SNAP benefits: Americans Outraged That Poor People Still Eating
In today’s episode of The War on Grocery Carts, social media is ablaze over footage of a mother using SNAP benefits to buy food at Costco, Walmart, and Target—you know, those fringe, elitist marketplaces where people go when they want 80 rolls of toilet paper and a sense of shame. The outrage stems from the
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Why I Wrote Suté and Solitude: Dating, Queerness, and the Beautiful Trash Fire of Modern Connection
Let’s get one thing out of the way: I didn’t write Suté and Solitude because I had answers. I wrote it because I was drowning in questions. About dating. About queerness. About whether emotional intimacy is still possible in a world where most people flirt by reacting to an Instagram story and ghost you faster
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The Writers Who Shaped My Brain, My Voice, and My Emotional Damage
There are authors you read once and forget, and then there are the ones who crawl inside your head, redecorate your worldview, and leave you with a lifelong case of existential introspection. This is a thank-you note (or warning label?) for some of the writers who’ve done just that—brilliant, dangerous minds I keep returning to,
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100 Times I Didn’t Flinch: My Book Quote Collection
From Small Town Gayby “If God made me, then either He’s not angry—or He’s not very good at His job.” “I was born with a bruise on my soul and a glitter bomb in my ribcage.” “Coming out didn’t feel brave. It felt like bleeding in front of people who cheered the wound.” “I didn’t…
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Why I’m Self-Publishing: When the Doors Don’t Open, Build Your Own
Not the Plan, But the Point” I believe LGBTQ+ stories deserve to exist on the page—not as punchlines, sidekicks, or cautionary tales—but as full, complex lives with agency, nuance, and joy. We are firefighters. Nurses. Teachers. Cops. Parents. Grocery store managers. Everyday people. And the more we tell our stories—ourselves, for ourselves—the harder it becomes
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Pray the Gay Away: A Conversion Therapy Survival Guide (Now With 60% More Trauma and Zero Science)
Welcome to Conversion Therapy™—the only place where Jesus moonlights as a licensed therapist and heterosexuality is somehow contagious if you cry hard enough. Buckle up, buttercup. It’s time for a full-bodied, unlicensed, medically discredited journey through the spiritual carwash known as “turning you straight.” Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work. Unless the goal is PTSD, self-loathing,
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Ken Mehlman Comes Out—Just a Few Million Hate Crimes Too Late
In today’s episode of The Gays Can Forgive, But We’re Gonna Roast You First, let’s talk about Ken Mehlman: former Bush campaign manager, architect of the 2004 “Ban the Gays” electoral strategy, and current reformed homosexual with a PR-approved redemption arc. Because nothing screams “personal growth” quite like helping destroy millions of lives before quietly