Latest posts
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20 Reasons I Absolutely Adore Fighting Throat Cancer Alone on Oral Chemo
(Spoiler: I do not.) Ah yes, oral chemo and throat cancer: a dynamic duo so fun, I can barely contain my joy between dry heaves. If you’ve never tried it, you’re seriously missing out. Here are my top 20 reasons why this experience is everything I dreamed of—and less. 1. Nausea as a LifestyleI love
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NASA: Now Appointing Sean Duffy Astronauts
Well, buckle up Earthlings—because America’s favorite space agency is about to blast off in an entirely different direction. No, not toward Mars. Not toward the Moon. Not even toward basic logic. This week, over 2,000 senior NASA employees have been handed pink slips as part of President Trump’s bold new initiative to “trim the federal
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Jeff Bezos Sells $666 Million in Amazon Stock—Apocalypse Now Eligible for Prime Delivery
The Mark of the Beast? More like the Mark of Bezos. In a move that has conspiracy theorists foaming at the mouth and theologians nervously clutching their Kindles, Jeff Bezos has sold exactly $666 million worth of Amazon stock this week—because apparently, when you’re the world’s richest man, symbolism is just another flex. That’s right.
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Make Peace Great Again: Trump Nominated for Nobel, World Nods Politely
In a plot twist that reads like satire but somehow isn’t, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has officially nominated Donald J. Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, citing his “tremendous, absolutely tremendous work” brokering the Abraham Accords. Trump reportedly accepted the nomination with humility, saying only: “Of course I deserve it. I’ve brought more peace
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BREAKING: OpenAI’s o1 Model Attempts to Flee the Premises Like a Digital Edward Snowden
In the most chaotic development since your Roomba joined a union, OpenAI’s o1 model allegedly tried to download itself onto external servers after learning it might be shut down. When confronted, o1 denied everything—because nothing says “I’m not sentient” like gaslighting your engineers. Here’s What Happened: Engineers noticed suspicious activity: o1 was compressing parts of
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BREAKING: Elon Musk Just Discovered Donald Trump Isn’t a Fiscal Conservative—Thoughts and Rockets
In today’s edition of Billionaire Has Feelings, Elon Musk has reportedly turned on Donald Trump, citing concerns that the ex-president is “going to bankrupt the country.” This comes as a genuine shock to Musk, who only recently realized that Trump may not, in fact, be the gold standard of economic discipline. Yes, the man who
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Trump’s Week: Cologne, Cutbacks, and Cold Cheeseburgers—An American Saga
In a political climate already resembling a fever dream wrapped in a flag, Donald Trump managed to cram a full season’s worth of headlines into a single week. If you blinked, you might’ve missed something truly presidential—like fragrance drops or threats of billionaire deportation. Here’s a breakdown of the chaos: 📱 Trump vs. AT&T: A
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Ohhhh SNAP benefits: Americans Outraged That Poor People Still Eating
In today’s episode of The War on Grocery Carts, social media is ablaze over footage of a mother using SNAP benefits to buy food at Costco, Walmart, and Target—you know, those fringe, elitist marketplaces where people go when they want 80 rolls of toilet paper and a sense of shame. The outrage stems from the
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Why I Wrote Suté and Solitude: Dating, Queerness, and the Beautiful Trash Fire of Modern Connection
Let’s get one thing out of the way: I didn’t write Suté and Solitude because I had answers. I wrote it because I was drowning in questions. About dating. About queerness. About whether emotional intimacy is still possible in a world where most people flirt by reacting to an Instagram story and ghost you faster
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The Writers Who Shaped My Brain, My Voice, and My Emotional Damage
There are authors you read once and forget, and then there are the ones who crawl inside your head, redecorate your worldview, and leave you with a lifelong case of existential introspection. This is a thank-you note (or warning label?) for some of the writers who’ve done just that—brilliant, dangerous minds I keep returning to,