Latest posts
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Cash in Hand, Case Closed: Trump’s Border Czar’s Fifty-Grand Mulligan
There are a lot of ways to bribe a man. Some are delicate—offshore accounts, art loans, consulting contracts that pay for “advisory” work never rendered. Others are cinematic—duffel bags of crisp bills, shady meetings in garages. Then there’s Tom Homan, the White House’s border czar, who apparently prefers the Costco version: fifty thousand dollars in…
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Glorious Chronicle of the Leader’s Magnificent Week
There are few weeks in the long, triumphant reign of our Beloved Commander that shine so brightly as this past one. The sun itself, perhaps fearful of casting a shadow upon his perfect silhouette, rose each day only to illuminate his strong jawline, his vibrant mane, and his posture that would make even the marble…
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Trump’s War on the Press: Now With 97% More Whining
America, pull up a chair, because the President has once again declared war on the one enemy that never invaded him, never stormed his casinos, and never ghosted him on Tinder: the press. Yes, the man who built his political career by calling CNN “fake news” has decided the time has come to escalate from…
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ANTIFA: The Shadowy Organization That Doesn’t Exist (But Still Lives Rent-Free in GOP Heads)
America has a long history of misunderstanding things on purpose. Evolution? “Just a theory.” Climate change? “Maybe the sun’s just in a mood.” The First Amendment? “It means I can say the n-word at work without getting fired.” And now, the most recent, most hysterical misunderstanding: ANTIFA. Yes, ANTIFA—our country’s favorite boogeyman, the clandestine, hyper-coordinated,…
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The Half-Mast Presidency: Selective Empathy as a National Ritual
Flags for Some, Not for Others There is nothing quite as American as fighting about flags. We argue about who can kneel before them, who can burn them, whether rainbows belong on them, and now—who gets the honor of lowering them. President Donald Trump ordered U.S. flags lowered nationwide for Charlie Kirk. A right-wing commentator…