Latest posts

  • Trump’s $12 Billion Apology Note to Farmers Is Signed With Your Credit Card

    Trump’s $12 Billion Apology Note to Farmers Is Signed With Your Credit Card

    The arsonist has returned to the scene of the crime, not to put out the fire, but to sell the victims a very expensive glass of water. On Monday, the political circus will descend upon Washington with the heavy, frantic energy of a infomercial host realizing his product is defective. President Trump, flanked by a

    Read more

  • Trump Tries To Buy a Congressman, But the Congressman Is A Better Con Man

    Trump Tries To Buy a Congressman, But the Congressman Is A Better Con Man

    The President thought he was purchasing a party switch with a pardon, but he forgot that in Texas, you take the cattle and leave the cowboy holding the rope. There is a specific, grimy elegance to the way Donald Trump approaches the presidency. He does not view it as a constitutional office or a sacred

    Read more

  • The Law of the Sea (According to the Guy Who Threw the Axe on Fox & Friends)

    The Law of the Sea (According to the Guy Who Threw the Axe on Fox & Friends)

    When the Department of Defense decides that “interdiction” is just a fancy word for “snuff film.” The United States Navy has a long and storied tradition of rescuing sailors in distress. It is one of those ancient maritime codes, like not whistling on the bridge or avoiding bananas on a boat, that separates professional mariners

    Read more

  • The Divorce of the Century: Marjorie Taylor Greene Leaves the Cult

    The Divorce of the Century: Marjorie Taylor Greene Leaves the Cult

    When the most loyal soldier in the MAGA army decides to go AWOL, it isn’t a political pivot; it is a primal scream from inside the house. The marriage between Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene was never going to end with a quiet mediation and a shared custody agreement for the base. It was

    Read more

  • Drunk Pete’s Reagan Forum Was a Wake for the World Order

    Drunk Pete’s Reagan Forum Was a Wake for the World Order

    The Secretary of Defense just told the ghost of the Gipper that the new American strategy is “Get Off My Lawn.” In the hallowed halls of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where the ghost of the Gipper usually presides over speeches about tearing down walls and shining cities on hills, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth decided

    Read more

  • Comey: The DOJ Just Got Locked Out of Its Own Evidence Locker

    Comey: The DOJ Just Got Locked Out of Its Own Evidence Locker

    When you raid a lawyer’s iCloud without reading the Fourth Amendment first, you end up with a restraining order and a very embarrassing weekend. It is a rare and beautiful thing to watch the Department of Justice trip over its own shoelaces in slow motion. Usually, the DOJ is the juggernaut, the unmovable object that

    Read more

  • Apple’s Spaceship Has a Hull Breach: Why the Smartest Guys in the Room Are Ejecting

    Apple’s Spaceship Has a Hull Breach: Why the Smartest Guys in the Room Are Ejecting

    Tim Cook is wandering the halls of the Infinite Loop with a roll of duct tape and a bag of stock options, but the airlock is already open. There is a specific kind of panic that sets in when the invincible object suddenly cracks. For the last decade, Apple has been the monolith of Silicon

    Read more

  • The Ghost of Competence Past: Joe Biden Accepts an Award While the World Burns

    The Ghost of Competence Past: Joe Biden Accepts an Award While the World Burns

    In a hotel ballroom in Washington, a decent man tried to remind us that the government wasn’t always a weapon, while the press corps frantically zoomed in to see if he blinked too slowly. On December 5, 2025, the timeline offered us a split-screen moment so jarring it felt like a glitch in the simulation.

    Read more

  • DOJ To Release Grand Jury Epstein Information, Supposedly

    DOJ To Release Grand Jury Epstein Information, Supposedly

    On December 19, the United States government will attempt a new experiment: telling the truth about how it let a monster run a catering service for predators. There is a specific kind of silence that descends upon a room when the lights are suddenly turned on at a party that has gone on far too

    Read more

  • The United States of Paranoia: When the National Security Strategy Reads Like a Reddit Thread

    The United States of Paranoia: When the National Security Strategy Reads Like a Reddit Thread

    The new official policy of the United States is apparently that France is too dark, Russia is just misunderstood, and the Western Hemisphere is a gated community that needs a higher fence. There is a specific kind of document that usually emerges from the White House every few years called the National Security Strategy. Historically,

    Read more