Latest posts
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15 Crimes Against Cooking Shows That Should Be Prosecuted by the Culinary Hague
Welcome back to “Oh Honey, No”, the only cooking competition where the prize is $10,000 and permanent public shame. It’s a magical land where hopeful amateur chefs ignore decades of televised cooking wisdom in favor of chaotic, delusional hubris. This is Hell’s Kitchen without the hell or the kitchen—just unholy crimes served lukewarm on an
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Update: Year 2025. Still No Jesus. Still Stuck with Your Asshole Followers.
Hey Jesus, Just circling back (again). Still no sign of you. No heavenly descent, no clouds parting, no divine trumpet blast—just the usual right-wing podcast hosts calling everything the Antichrist and Marjorie Taylor Greene misquoting you while selling tactical Bibles on QVC. Listen, I know it’s been a long 2,000 years. You’re probably busy blessing
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The New York Time’s Top 100 Movies of the 21st Century — A Love Letter to Films You Pretended to Understand
Top 30 films you’re supposed to pretend you’ve watched twice Gather around, cine-snobs and weekend warriors alike. The New York Times has once again handed us their curated list of the “100 Best Movies of the 21st Century,” as ranked by 500 industry insiders. In a world where joy equates to a cat video getting
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I’m Writing a Book (Because Apparently I Hate Myself)
By someone who still thinks grammar matters It’s happening. I’m writing a book. A full-length, printed-on-dead-trees, hold-it-in-your-hands-like-it’s-the-early-2000s book. Because apparently I have a masochistic streak and a deep-seated desire to be wildly underappreciated in the age of microcontent and microwave attention spans. Let’s start with the obvious: No one reads anymore. And I don’t mean
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From Lincoln to ‘Lizard King’: A Brief History of How the GOP Went from Emancipation to Trump Fan Fiction
Let’s be clear right off the bat: this isn’t some tweed-jacketed seminar on 19th-century civics, nor is it a loving tribute to parchment, powdered wigs, or that one guy in the background of Hamilton who died before intermission. This is a confused, exhausted, deeply sarcastic look at how the party that once freed enslaved people
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Born at the Wrong Time (Except for All That Oppression)
You ever sit back, stare out a window, and think, “Damn. Maybe I was just born in the wrong era”? I do. Frequently. Especially when I’m writing—something I love, something that used to mean something, back when people consumed the written word instead of TikTok montages of people lip-syncing relationship drama that never happened. I
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A Comprehensive Field Guide to Bible Rules Christians Ignore While Policing Everyone Else’s Salvation
It’s not Christianity. It’s Christianity™: Now with 75% less Jesus, 100% more judgment, and a built-in persecution complex because someone said “Happy Holidays.”
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Letter To The Boy I Used To Be
Hey kid, Yeah, it’s me. The one you’re going to become. And I know, right now, you’re probably curled up somewhere too quiet, listening for the wrong kind of silence. The kind that smells of fear and cheap antiseptic. The kind that makes your ribs hum like piano wires before the next blow. The kind
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The Truth About Planned Parenthood the GOP Doesn’t Want You to Know (Because Then You Might Stop Being Afraid of Vaginas)
Let’s set the stage. The Supreme Court, now essentially an overpriced group chat for anti-woman ideologues in matching robes, just gave South Carolina—and by extension, any other Bible-thumping state—the go-ahead to cut Medicaid funding to Planned Parenthood. Because, apparently, basic healthcare is now a controversial opinion. I don’t know how to say this gently, so
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The Diddy Trial: America’s Favorite Celebrity Crime Story to Not Care About But Should
Put Him in Jail Already, We’re Busy In the ever-shrinking window between actual consequences and brand-new allegations, Sean “Diddy” Combs continues to shuffle through the American justice system like it’s a red carpet walk—slow, smug, and vaguely sponsored. The latest trial, which should be the pop culture event of the decade, is barely a blip