Latest posts
-
You’re Fired: Trump Finds the Real Culprit Behind America’s Job Woes (Hint: It’s Not Capitalism)
In a surprising twist that shocked absolutely no one, former President Donald J. Trump has once again taken bold, decisive, and entirely unhinged action against the greatest threat to American prosperity: math. Specifically, the kind of math that results in job reports that make him look bad. Following a “disappointing” economic update, which revealed that
-
July’s Over. Thank You, Everyone: 7,174 Books Sold, 64 Titles Published, and One Heart About to Burst
In July, I sold 7,174 books across 64 titles—my first full month of self-publishing after years of silence and shelved manuscripts. From memoir to romance to horror, you showed up. Thank you. Every read, share, and review keeps this dream alive.
-
Alone Together™: How to Cure Loneliness with Wi-Fi, Vague Eye Contact, and Corporate Wellness Emails
If you’re feeling lonely in 2025, good news: you’re not alone. You are, in fact, part of a globally trending demographic—a vast, echoing chorus of fully-charged devices and emotionally uncharged people, all sending each other “just checking in” texts while lying motionless on separate couches. We live in the most hyper-connected society in history. You
-
Finally, Equal Rights to Cringe: “I Kissed A Boy” Puts Gays Where They Belong—on Trashy Dating Shows
So it’s finally happened. The gays have a dating show. Not a makeover show. Not a trauma documentary. Not another sob-stained coming out arc framed by string lights and tearful piano music. An actual, honest-to-God dating show. And not just any dating show—a trashy, sun-drenched, kissing-at-hello reality dating show with barely clothed men, confessionals, and
-
Opera, Trade, and Deportation Roulette: A Week in the Trump Administration That Somehow All Makes Sense
It’s hard to say what week we’re in—politically, cosmically, or narratively—but it’s clear the Trump administration is back on its greatest-hits tour. Only this time, the album’s scratched, the vocals are louder, and the backup dancers are Congressional interns filing ethics waivers. In just a few days, we’ve seen an opera house rebranded like a
-
Rest Easy, Prince of Darkness: A Farewell to Ozzy Osbourne
I wasn’t a diehard fan. I didn’t memorize lyrics or follow every twist in his tour dates or tattoos. I didn’t grow up with Black Sabbath posters on my walls or devil horns in the air. But when I heard the news—Ozzy Osbourne has passed away—I felt something cave in anyway. That’s what happens when
-
Beyond the Blockbusters: 8 Films and Shows from 2025 That Deserved More Than a Shrug
Every year, a few shiny, oversaturated blockbusters clog the pop culture pipeline like cholesterol in a Marvel fan’s arteries. They arrive, they dominate, they trend—and then they vanish, leaving behind three memes, two Funko Pops, and a vague sense that maybe cinema died somewhere around the seventh franchise installment. But not everything made in 2025
-
Netflix Top 10: A Mirror Cracked, a Culture Glitched, a Cry for Help in Algorithm Form
We did it, America. We survived another month of economic collapse, heat domes, and political indictments—just in time to collapse face-first into our shared national coping strategy: passive entertainment that slowly drains the soul. Welcome to the Netflix Top 10, where taste goes to be auto-suggested and sanity is drip-fed in 8-episode chunks. At #1
-
National Ice Cream Day: Because Nothing Says “Everything’s Fine” Like Dairy-Based Delusion
In the blistering heat of late-stage capitalism, where your rent costs more than your monthly trauma therapy and the planet’s basically one smoldering cone away from collapse, there comes a day so sweet, so saccharine, so unironically American that even the most disillusioned among us can’t help but say: “Fine. I’ll lick it.” Yes, darling—July