Latest posts
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NORTH KOREA ISSUES NEW THREATS: STOP FLYING STUFF NEAR US OR WE’LL TOTALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, MAYBE
PYONGYANG — In what’s become an oddly predictable quarterly tradition, North Korea has once again puffed up its metaphorical chest and issued stern warnings that it is “ready to engage in military action” against the United States, Japan, and South Korea. Sources confirm the warning came moments after Kim Jong-un finished his daily routine of…
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LOVE ISLAND USA SEASON 7: FIJI’S HOTTEST VILLA—OR CANCEL CULTURE CARNIVAL?
Fiji — that sunny paradise where love is allegedly found, but more often fumbled in front of 42 strategically placed cameras and a table full of tequila shots. Love Island USA Season 7 has turned up the heat, the scandals, and the thirst—both emotional and otherwise. Sure, we tuned in for romance, but we stayed…
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The Man, the Myth, the Misstep: Shannon Price Says She “Had No Choice” But to End Gary Coleman’s Life—Then Fails a Lie Detector
In a story that sounds less like a somber eulogy and more like a mid-season twist on a forgotten true crime docuseries, Shannon Price—the ex-wife, ex-roommate, and ongoing enigma of child star Gary Coleman—has emerged from the shadows once again. This time, she’s here to explain why she pulled the plug on Coleman’s life support…
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Spoiler Alert: Big Brother 27 Premiere Was Hotter Than the Mystery Guest Entrance—And We’re Not Sure If That’s A Good Thing
Oh, Big Brother fans, we’ve dusted off our eviction charts and sharpened our scheming minds—because Season 27 has begun, and it’s already a melodramatic labyrinth of kidnappings, secret accomplices, and career reality stars. Let’s dive deep—Spoilers ahead! Mystery Guest Plot TwistFrom the moment host Julie Chen Moonves vanished in a staged “kidnapping” and a masked…
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NASA: Now Appointing Sean Duffy Astronauts
Well, buckle up Earthlings—because America’s favorite space agency is about to blast off in an entirely different direction. No, not toward Mars. Not toward the Moon. Not even toward basic logic. This week, over 2,000 senior NASA employees have been handed pink slips as part of President Trump’s bold new initiative to “trim the federal…
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4Xtra’s Firework Mishap: When Your Local News Station Becomes a PSA in Real Time
In a stunning display of what happens when overconfidence meets combustible materials, local TV affiliate 4Xtra accidentally turned their Fourth of July coverage into a live-action cautionary tale, launching not just fireworks—but also flaming shrapnel, shattered camera lenses, and at least one terrified intern—into the skies and hearts of viewers across Central Texas. The segment,…
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Prisoners of Privilege: The Chrisleys Discover Pain, Growth, and How to Monetize Both
In this week’s episode of White Collar Confessions, Julie and Todd Chrisley—America’s favorite Southern fried fraudsters—are finally free. And by “free,” we mean legally pardoned after spending a whole year bravely enduring the prison system from the safety of low-security facilities with better amenities than your local Holiday Inn Express. Yes, folks, the same couple…
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Ken Mehlman Comes Out—Just a Few Million Hate Crimes Too Late
In today’s episode of The Gays Can Forgive, But We’re Gonna Roast You First, let’s talk about Ken Mehlman: former Bush campaign manager, architect of the 2004 “Ban the Gays” electoral strategy, and current reformed homosexual with a PR-approved redemption arc. Because nothing screams “personal growth” quite like helping destroy millions of lives before quietly…
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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Heal: The Ghost Policy Still Marching in Combat Boots
Ah yes. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell—that beloved Clinton-era gem of half-measure equality. The 1993 military policy that essentially told queer Americans, “You can serve your country, but could you please do it invisibly?” Because nothing says “thank you for your service” like “now lie about who you are, suppress your identity, and don’t you dare…
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15 Crimes Against Cooking Shows That Should Be Prosecuted by the Culinary Hague
Welcome back to “Oh Honey, No”, the only cooking competition where the prize is $10,000 and permanent public shame. It’s a magical land where hopeful amateur chefs ignore decades of televised cooking wisdom in favor of chaotic, delusional hubris. This is Hell’s Kitchen without the hell or the kitchen—just unholy crimes served lukewarm on an…