Latest posts
-
BREAKING: Conservatives Threaten to Leave X—Again—This Time Because Elon Might Be Mean to Daddy Trump
Conservatives are once again threatening a mass exodus from X (formerly Twitter, now Alphabet Soup), this time because Elon Musk might use the platform to criticize Donald Trump. Yes, the same Elon Musk they hailed as the “free speech messiah” two angry tweets ago. “If Musk weaponizes X against MAGA, I’m out,” declared several patriots
-
Elon Musk Launches the “America Party”: Season 42 of the U.S. Soap Opera
Ok, so now Elon Musk—yes, that Elon Musk—has officially launched a third political party in the U.S. It’s called the America Party, and if you’re wondering what spurred this: it’s the same billionaire who helped bankroll Trump’s 2024 campaign… now suddenly deciding he’s had a change of heart because Trump passed a spending bill that
-
Ohhhh SNAP benefits: Americans Outraged That Poor People Still Eating
In today’s episode of The War on Grocery Carts, social media is ablaze over footage of a mother using SNAP benefits to buy food at Costco, Walmart, and Target—you know, those fringe, elitist marketplaces where people go when they want 80 rolls of toilet paper and a sense of shame. The outrage stems from the
-
Alligator Alcatraz: Florida’s Wetlands Warden School for Migrants
In the latest episode of political “creative thinking,” Florida officials have unveiled Alligator Alcatraz, a high-security immigration detention camp nestled in the Everglades—where the natural wildlife doubles as the unwitting bouncer. Think luxurious wetlands meets mandatory jungle gym… except the gym is populated with pythons and reptiles ready to RSVP to any escape attempt. tampabay.com+15thecut.com+15fox5dc.com+15
-
BREAKING: Thomas Massie Heroically Votes ‘Yes,’ Then ‘No,’ Then Liberates Us All from the Tyranny of Coherence
Today in Washington, Thomas Massie—libertarian cosplayer, part-time survivalist, and full-time chaos agent—did what he does best: weaponized a vote like a toddler with a Sharpie in a white living room. The Kentucky congressman shocked precisely no one by voting yes on a procedural rule that would’ve moved Trump’s so-called “One Big Beautiful Bill” forward—a $3.4
-
Pete Hegseth’s Press Conference Proves the Trump Administration Thinks Journalists Are Just Disobedient Interns With Bad Attitudes
Recently, Pete Hegseth—former Fox News host turned full-time Trump whisperer and part-time Press Secretary cosplay model—held a press conference that can only be described as a masterclass in authoritarian fan fiction. Somewhere between the “fake news” finger-pointing and the sweaty defense of Dear Leader’s latest conspiracy tweet, Hegseth made it crystal clear: the Trump-aligned GOP
-
Stop Waiting for Lisa Murkowski & Susan Collins to Save You – They’re Not Coming
BREAKING: Lisa Murkowski has once again voted to advance a Republican bill that has all the charm of a flaming trash barge drifting through civil rights. And somewhere in Maine, Susan Collins is furrowing her brow so hard it may finally snap in half. She’s “deeply concerned,” y’all—probably writing another strongly worded Post-it note to
-
Update: Year 2025. Still No Jesus. Still Stuck with Your Asshole Followers.
Hey Jesus, Just circling back (again). Still no sign of you. No heavenly descent, no clouds parting, no divine trumpet blast—just the usual right-wing podcast hosts calling everything the Antichrist and Marjorie Taylor Greene misquoting you while selling tactical Bibles on QVC. Listen, I know it’s been a long 2,000 years. You’re probably busy blessing
-
From Lincoln to ‘Lizard King’: A Brief History of How the GOP Went from Emancipation to Trump Fan Fiction
Let’s be clear right off the bat: this isn’t some tweed-jacketed seminar on 19th-century civics, nor is it a loving tribute to parchment, powdered wigs, or that one guy in the background of Hamilton who died before intermission. This is a confused, exhausted, deeply sarcastic look at how the party that once freed enslaved people
-
A Comprehensive Field Guide to Bible Rules Christians Ignore While Policing Everyone Else’s Salvation
It’s not Christianity. It’s Christianity™: Now with 75% less Jesus, 100% more judgment, and a built-in persecution complex because someone said “Happy Holidays.”