Latest posts
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Trump Declares Elon Musk a “TRAIN WRECK,” Brags GOP Is a “Smooth Running Machine” (Powered by Gas, Naturally)
In a furious all-caps missive on Truth Social (a platform that’s just Facebook with delusions of relevance), Donald J. Trump lashed out at former buddy Elon Musk—declaring the billionaire has gone “off the rails,” become a “TRAIN WRECK,” and is basically trying to derail American democracy with the most heinous crime of all: starting a
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Justice Served Cold: DOJ Officially Declares Jeffrey Epstein a Solo Act, Closes Case, and Exhales Deeply into a Shredder
In a stunning act of government transparency—so transparent it’s basically invisible—the U.S. Department of Justice announced Monday that Jeffrey Epstein did, in fact, die by suicide and that, in an absolutely unrelated coincidence, no client list exists. At all. None. Zip. Vanished. Poof. The DOJ further confirmed they have “no plans to release additional documents,”
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BREAKING: Elon Musk Just Discovered Donald Trump Isn’t a Fiscal Conservative—Thoughts and Rockets
In today’s edition of Billionaire Has Feelings, Elon Musk has reportedly turned on Donald Trump, citing concerns that the ex-president is “going to bankrupt the country.” This comes as a genuine shock to Musk, who only recently realized that Trump may not, in fact, be the gold standard of economic discipline. Yes, the man who
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Weather Warnings Were Budget Cuts in Disguise
In a shocking twist that surprises absolutely no one who’s been awake for the last year, the same administration that promised to “streamline government” has now successfully streamlined people right into floodwaters. That’s right: the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—Trump’s golden retriever of a bureaucracy—slashed funding to NOAA and the National Weather Service (NWS), and
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Fiscal Responsibility”? The GOP Has Entered the Chat—and Brought the Receipts (of Everything They Charged)
Republicans love to call themselves the “party of fiscal responsibility.” It’s their favorite Halloween costume: all buttoned-up, calculator-in-pocket, murmuring about debt ceilings and taxpayer dollars. But when you check the national receipts, turns out they’ve been throwing the country’s credit card around like they just discovered Amazon Prime. Let’s take a (budget-bloated) stroll down memory
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Trump’s Week: Cologne, Cutbacks, and Cold Cheeseburgers—An American Saga
In a political climate already resembling a fever dream wrapped in a flag, Donald Trump managed to cram a full season’s worth of headlines into a single week. If you blinked, you might’ve missed something truly presidential—like fragrance drops or threats of billionaire deportation. Here’s a breakdown of the chaos: 📱 Trump vs. AT&T: A
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BREAKING: Conservatives Threaten to Leave X—Again—This Time Because Elon Might Be Mean to Daddy Trump
Conservatives are once again threatening a mass exodus from X (formerly Twitter, now Alphabet Soup), this time because Elon Musk might use the platform to criticize Donald Trump. Yes, the same Elon Musk they hailed as the “free speech messiah” two angry tweets ago. “If Musk weaponizes X against MAGA, I’m out,” declared several patriots
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Elon Musk Launches the “America Party”: Season 42 of the U.S. Soap Opera
Ok, so now Elon Musk—yes, that Elon Musk—has officially launched a third political party in the U.S. It’s called the America Party, and if you’re wondering what spurred this: it’s the same billionaire who helped bankroll Trump’s 2024 campaign… now suddenly deciding he’s had a change of heart because Trump passed a spending bill that
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Ohhhh SNAP benefits: Americans Outraged That Poor People Still Eating
In today’s episode of The War on Grocery Carts, social media is ablaze over footage of a mother using SNAP benefits to buy food at Costco, Walmart, and Target—you know, those fringe, elitist marketplaces where people go when they want 80 rolls of toilet paper and a sense of shame. The outrage stems from the
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Alligator Alcatraz: Florida’s Wetlands Warden School for Migrants
In the latest episode of political “creative thinking,” Florida officials have unveiled Alligator Alcatraz, a high-security immigration detention camp nestled in the Everglades—where the natural wildlife doubles as the unwitting bouncer. Think luxurious wetlands meets mandatory jungle gym… except the gym is populated with pythons and reptiles ready to RSVP to any escape attempt. tampabay.com+15thecut.com+15fox5dc.com+15