Latest posts
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Tulsi Gabbard Declassifies Her Way Into MAGA Hearts—Thanks, Obama.
Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard has graciously bestowed upon the American people what she describes as “overwhelming evidence” that the Obama administration manipulated intelligence to make it look like Russia interfered in the 2016 election. Because when you think “neutral arbiter of truth,” you naturally think “Tulsi Gabbard with QAnon lighting and a ceremonial
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They Ignored It All About Trump—Until Epstein: MAGA’s Sudden Crisis of Conscience
Every few months, we find ourselves trapped in a collective Groundhog Day where some damning new headline about Donald J. Trump emerges and the internet spins up like this is the thing—the final nail, the last straw, the moment when MAGA voters will blink, swallow, and whisper, “Oh no… we backed the wrong fascist.” This
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Second Term, Second Verse: Dumber, Meaner, Somehow More Orange
Let’s begin this enchanted retread with a little déjà vu: Donald J. Trump, once again sitting in the Oval Office—this time without even pretending to read the Constitution. It’s not a reboot, friends. It’s a bloated sequel nobody asked for, written by Facebook uncles and powered by supply chain rage, Bud Light boycotts, and the
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You Don’t Fire the Epstein Prosecutor Unless You’ve Got Something to Hide, Right?
File this under: If I Did It: Executive Branch Edition. This week, the Trump camp finally took off the gloves and put on the red hat to fire Maurene Comey—you know, the federal prosecutor who helped put Ghislaine Maxwell behind bars and was knee-deep in the Epstein case before it mysteriously got quieter than a
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Colbert’s Exit Strategy: CBS Cancels ‘The Late Show’ (But Totally for Financial Reasons, Of Course)
CBS has announced that The Late Show with Stephen Colbert will end after its next season in May 2026, citing—what else?—“financial considerations.” The network didn’t elaborate much, but rest assured, it has absolutely nothing to do with Colbert’s recent on-air jabs at CBS’s parent company, Paramount Global, for quietly settling a $16 million lawsuit with
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Make Coca-Cola Sweet Again: Trump Claims Victory Over Corn Syrup
In a groundbreaking act of nutritional diplomacy, former President Donald J. Trump took to social media this week to announce that Coca-Cola—yes, the same company that once snubbed him by allegedly removing Diet Coke from the White House—has finally bent the knee. According to Trump, the soda giant has agreed to replace high-fructose corn syrup
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Trump Hints at Firing Fed Chair, Markets Panic, Jerome Powell Googles “Jobs That Don’t Require Therapy”
In today’s episode of “Presidential Whiplash: Economic Edition,” the U.S. stock market took a nosedive, recovered slightly, then panic-tangoed in place after former President Donald Trump casually floated the idea of firing Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell—before later adding he “probably won’t.” The Dow responded by doing a full emotional breakdown, the Nasdaq lit a
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Artificial Intelligence, Natural Stupidity: Trump’s $70 Billion Energy Plan Sparks National Migraine
In what political analysts are calling “the greatest leap forward since the invention of the flashlight app,” President Donald J. Trump is expected to unveil a “tremendous, historic, not-at-all-made-up” $70 billion investment package focused on artificial intelligence and energy. The announcement will be made at the Pennsylvania Energy Innovation Summit, which—despite the name—is being held
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Budget Cuts and Band-Aids: How to Save America by Abandoning Everyone Else
In a bold display of cost-cutting patriotism, the Senate has advanced President Trump’s request to trim a casual $9 billion off the federal budget—a move that mostly affects programs you didn’t realize were saving lives until yesterday’s headlines told you they might vanish. Among the financial casualties: foreign aid, public broadcasting, and—because irony is apparently
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Tariff Tantrum: When Inflation Met Its Orange Crush
In which America pays more for everything but the dignity it already lost In a surprise to absolutely no economists anywhere, inflation accelerated in June like a toddler on a Red Bull drip—rising 2.7% from a year earlier. Why? Well, one might look at the implementation of Trump’s fresh batch of tariffs and say, “Ah,