Latest posts
-
The Ministry of MAGA Purity: Laura Loomer’s White House Talent Show
The scariest part? This isn’t satire. The talent show’s already happening; it’s just dressed in bureaucratic language and the American flag. The audience — us — is left to decide whether we’re watching political theater or the prelude to something much darker. Because purges don’t stop when the list is done. They stop when there’s…
-
Supreme Court Flirts with “Roe Treatment” for Gay Marriage — America Holds Its Breath and Its Vows
Rights rarely vanish in a thunderclap. They dissolve in a drizzle of exceptions, carve-outs, and “reasonable accommodations” that turn the bold promise of equality into something conditional. Marriage equality is not under attack because it has failed — it’s under attack because it has succeeded, because it proved that queer love could be ordinary, visible,…
-
BREAKING: Trump Takes Over DC Police in “Law & Order” Miracle — Deploys National Guard for Public Theater
WASHINGTON —History books have a habit of glossing over the quieter coups. The ones without tanks rolling through the streets, without generals at microphones, without gunfire. The coups that happen under the cover of “public safety,” with a smile, a signature, and a TV camera. This week, Donald Trump proved that you can drape a
-
The Art of the Strategic Amnesia: Trump’s Epstein Damage Control Summit
Washington has seen its share of “nothing to see here” moments, but this week’s gathering in the West Wing might be the new gold standard. Picture it: Vice President J.D. Vance, former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, and loyalist-turned-FBI-director Kash Patel huddled together under the genteel glow of White House sconces, plotting a strategy to
-
A Capital Relocation Program: Now With Extra Federal Flair
The nation’s capital has always been a theater for spectacle—power lunches, political scandal, and monuments that double as photo ops for eighth-graders on field trips. But this week, President Trump decided the city’s most enduring monument—its unhoused population—was not photogenic enough for the coming election season. In an announcement delivered with the kind of theatrical
-
Purge Season at the FBI: Now Streaming in the Authoritarian Originals Category
It’s hard to keep up with the entertainment landscape these days. One week it’s “Shark Week,” the next it’s “Barbenheimer,” and now — premiering exclusively on the Federal Bureau of Investigations’ morally grey channel — we have The Purge: Loyalty Oath Edition. This season stars Kash Patel, the FBI’s current Director and apparent graduate of
-
When the Bear Meets the Eagle in a Walmart Parking Lot: Trump, Putin, and the Art of the Ceasefire
On August 15th, President Trump will meet Vladimir Putin in the most geopolitically neutral ground imaginable: Alaska. Not Geneva, not Vienna—Alaska. A location that says, “We could’ve done this at the G7, but we were both craving a halibut sandwich.”
-
When Numbers Lie and the Economy is “Perfect” (According to the Man Who Invented Truth)
It’s another day in America, and the President has once again reminded us that numbers are not to be trusted. Not his numbers, of course—those are gold-plated, patriotic, and possibly blessed by the ghost of Reagan—but other people’s numbers. Specifically, the ones from the Bureau of Labor Statistics that dared to suggest inflation is rising
-
Side Effects May Include: Inflation, Nationalism, and Spontaneous Economic Collapse
In a recent episode of The Price is Wrong, Trump proposed imposing 250% tariffs on imported pharmaceuticals, claiming other countries are unfairly pricing medications. This move threatens to significantly raise costs for American patients, burdening the working class while masking the initiative as nationalism. The plan risks pushing the sick further into financial despair without…
-
To the Moon, With Malice: Sean Duffy, Space Nukes, and the Bold American Tradition of Saying “Oops” in Orbit
Because nothing says “we’ve got this under control” like a man best known for The Real World: Boston now overseeing the launch of a nuclear reactor on the moon, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy—yes, that Sean Duffy—is expected to announce new directives to fast-track lunar radiation and orbital real estate development in what experts are calling