Latest posts
-
OIL AND GLITTER: WHEN CHAOS MET CONTROL IN A ROOM FULL OF SPARKLE
Amazon Link: Oil and Glitter on AmazonAuthor Page: Brandon Cloud’s Author Page Some books arrive in your imagination dressed for combat. Oil and Glitter showed up in sequins and demanded a spotlight. I wrote this queer rom-com as an answer to the question, “What happens when someone who lives by the checklist falls in love
-
“Used Goods” from The Trauma Bible
The Trauma Bible – My Queer Psalms Used Goods by Brandon Cloud They didn’t love me. They leased me. Short-term emotional rental with all the upgrades: Sarcasm package. Trauma tolerance. Loyalty with roadside assistance. I came with bells, whistles, and just enough tragedy to make them feel like they were doing charity with a punchline.
-
Weather Warnings Were Budget Cuts in Disguise
In a shocking twist that surprises absolutely no one who’s been awake for the last year, the same administration that promised to “streamline government” has now successfully streamlined people right into floodwaters. That’s right: the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)—Trump’s golden retriever of a bureaucracy—slashed funding to NOAA and the National Weather Service (NWS), and
-
Texas Floods Leave 24 Dead, Over 20 Campers Missing—But Sure, Let’s Keep Praying for Rain and Cutting Climate Funding
Central Texas is underwater—again—and this time, it’s not just a metaphor for the state’s political stability. Over the weekend, massive flash floods swept through the heart of Texas, killing 24 people and leaving at least 20 more missing, most of them campers who thought “off-grid” meant bad Wi-Fi, not an accidental baptism by climate denial.
-
Julio César Chávez Jr. Arrested for Cartel Ties, Surprising Exactly No One With a Wi-Fi Connection
Breaking News: Julio César Chávez Jr., professional boxer and full-time cautionary tale, has been arrested for alleged cartel ties and now faces possible deportation. Because, apparently, punching people for a living wasn’t sketchy enough—he needed a side hustle in international crime too. If you’re struggling to remember who Julio Chávez Jr. is, here’s a quick
-
From Lincoln to ‘Lizard King’: A Brief History of How the GOP Went from Emancipation to Trump Fan Fiction
Let’s be clear right off the bat: this isn’t some tweed-jacketed seminar on 19th-century civics, nor is it a loving tribute to parchment, powdered wigs, or that one guy in the background of Hamilton who died before intermission. This is a confused, exhausted, deeply sarcastic look at how the party that once freed enslaved people
-
Meteor Spotted Over the South, Fails to Fix Anything
June 26, 2025 – Earth (unfortunately still here) At approximately noon Eastern time today, a blazing fireball tore across the skies of Georgia, South Carolina, and Tennessee—causing brief panic, some delighted screams, and at least three Karens to yell, “Jesus is coming!” as they clutched their pearls and prayer journals. But alas, it wasn’t the
-
I’m Skeptical of Anyone Who Tells Me Not to Take Candy from Strangers, Then Takes Me Trick or Treating
Trust issues don’t start in adulthood. They start when your mom tells you never to talk to strangers, then zips you into a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur suit and sends you door to door demanding chocolate from people you’ve never met, some of whom are literally wearing masks. “Don’t accept candy from strangers” she says on Tuesday.
-
What TV Taught Me That Religion Never Could
I spent the first chunk of my life being told that truth lived between two leather-bound covers: The Holy Bible. I was taught that everything worth knowing—morality, love, justice, salvation—had already been figured out, footnoted, and translated into King James English. Questioning it wasn’t curiosity; it was rebellion. And rebellion got you exactly one ticket