Latest posts
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Hurricane Erin: America’s Latest Reality Show, Now Streaming Live from the Atlantic
It’s August 2025, and Hurricane Erin—currently whirling itself into a Category 2 diva act about 200 miles off the North Carolina coast—is serving as yet another reminder that America’s infrastructure is mostly just plywood, wishful thinking, and a governor’s press conference stapled to a sandbag. Erin, once a strapping Category 5 beast, has now “weakened”
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Goodbye Clearances, Hello Creamed Corn: Gabbard’s Security-Purge Reality Show
What happened today? Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard announced she’s revoking security clearances for 37 current and former “intelligence professionals,” alleging they “politicized and manipulated intelligence.” She insisted the move was made at President Trump’s direction. Let’s unpack this with surgical precision—because this isn’t a policy shift. This is the messy performance art of
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Sneak Peek: The First Chapter of Sleeping Fairy
Back in 2018, I drafted a retelling of Sleeping Beauty that was never really about castles or curses. It was about MySpace. It was about being twenty-one in the early 2000s—when dial-up whined through your bedroom wall, when your whole life could be demolished in a single public post, when “delete” wasn’t an option because
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The Art of the Photo-Op: Trump, Zelenskyy, and the Global Summit That Was Basically a Calendar Invite
Today in Washington, history was made. Not the good kind, not the kind they etch in marble or even scribble in textbooks. No, today was the kind of history where Donald Trump hosts Volodymyr Zelenskyy and a rotating cast of European leaders at the White House, declares it “a very good early step,” and then
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Pompoms, Politics, and the Fragile Masculinity of the 50-Yard Line: On the NFL’s Male Cheerleader Panic
It’s 2025, and the NFL has finally decided that maybe, just maybe, a man in sequins yelling “Defense!” won’t unravel the fabric of Western civilization. Twelve teams—including the Vikings and Patriots—are adding male cheerleaders to their squads this season. A gesture toward gender equality, sure, but also, apparently, a trigger for every uncle in America
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When Democracy Gets a Make-over: Trump’s Executive Order to Cancel Voting
At long last, the White House has announced a new wellness initiative: an executive order banning mail‑in and electronic voting ahead of the 2026 midterms. Why? Because our hero (in designer suits) says elections are haunted by “massive fraud”—without evidence, but with extra flourish. He’s calling it the “MAIL‑IN BALLOT HOAX” and wants us back
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Weapons, Freakier Fridays, and the Death Rattle of Sydney Sweeney’s Americana
The box office has once again delivered its weekend sermon, and America, faithful parishioner that it is, dutifully attended services with popcorn in hand. We were given horror, we were given nostalgia, we were given Bob Odenkirk with bruised knuckles, and—because capitalism cannot function without a sacrificial lamb—we were given Sydney Sweeney’s Americana quietly smothered
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The Comedy Coup: South Park, Trump, and the Paramount Problem
America has always needed its court jesters. Kings and presidents come and go, ruling with pomp, paranoia, and paranoia dressed up as policy. But the jester—the clown with a knife behind the punchline—never leaves. In 2025, that jester wears a Colorado beanie, carries a construction paper sign, and is contractually obligated to Paramount+ for $1.5
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Nicolle Wallace, Trump’s New Nemesis: When “MSNBC IS DEAD!” Becomes a Campaign Platform
It always starts the same way with Donald Trump: a half-formed grunt of a post, a cryptic one-word drop (“Bela”), and then the digital jackals descend. A follower serves up a meme, Trump slaps his digital stamp of approval on it, and suddenly we’re all trapped in the world’s saddest reboot of Mad Men, except
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When the Crime Rate Falls, Call in the Troops
Washington, D.C. is enjoying its lowest violent crime levels in over thirty years. The data says so: a 35% drop in 2024, another 26% decline so far in 2025. Homicide is down. Robbery is down. Carjackings are down. The FBI and DOJ dashboards are practically waving at us with little “congratulations, you survived the nineties”