Latest posts
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Y’allternative Medicine: The Only Essential Oil Strong Enough to Cure Facts
Welcome to 2025, where science is optional, vibes are currency, and the cure for cancer might be hiding in a mason jar full of moonshine and bootstraps. Forget Big Pharma. Forget Moderna. Forget literally anything that went through clinical trials. There’s a new sheriff in town and she’s wearing an “Ivermectin Is My Truth” t-shirt…
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The Masculinity Patch™: Because Fragile Men Deserve a Break Too (From Themselves)
Now available in three flavors: Blame-Free Bourbon, Gym Bro Musk, and Silent Cry in a Ford F-150. For generations, society has coddled fragile masculinity like it’s a rare bird we must preserve—despite the fact that it keeps shitting on everything. We’ve tiptoed around egos, handed out participation trophies for bare minimum fatherhood, and applauded every…
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Operation Paintbrush: America’s War on People Who Actually Work
Because nothing says “national security” like tackling day laborers in cargo pants outside a Home Depot. Welcome to America, where billionaires launder money through Delaware LLCs and hedge fund babies crush democracy via lobbying—but it’s the guy with a caulking gun trying to feed his family who gets black-bagged in the parking lot. Homeland Security…
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Supreme Court to the World: You Can Stay… Until We Find a Plane Ticket and a Country That Doesn’t Know You Yet
Congratulations, America. Our Supreme Court just swiped right on international human rights law and ghosted it five minutes later. With a vote of 6-3—because of course it was—they decided it’s perfectly fine to deport undocumented immigrants to countries they’ve never set foot in. The catch? All you need is a “criminal conviction” and a fast-pass…
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Anderson Allison Cooper and the Enriched Delusion: A Very Stable Tantrum
So here’s to Allison Cooper. May your poise forever expose the chaos. May your reporting cut through the noise. And may your very existence continue to make old men in red hats clutch their pearls harder than their Russian passports.
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American Healthcare: Now With 20% Less Humanity!
A User Manual for Surviving the ER Without Dignity or Insurance Welcome to the American healthcare system! Whether you’ve arrived via ambulance, rideshare, or crawling on your last good limb, this guide will prepare you for your stay in the trauma-scented purgatory known as the Emergency Room. Don’t worry—we’ve streamlined the experience to maximize humiliation…
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Bee-yond the Beard: Why Food Awards Matter and Who’s Really Stirring the Pot
Once upon a time, if a chef wanted to be taken seriously, they had to toil quietly in the kitchen, perfecting duck à l’orange, whispering sweet nothings to soufflés, and praying some mysterious, trench coat-wearing Michelin inspector would bless their establishment with a star or two (or three, if they had made some sort of…
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Bomb, Boast, Blame: Trump’s Favorite Wartime Tradition Is Turning on His Own
You can always tell a Trump presidency is back in full swing when he drops bombs one day and burns bridges the next. After launching a surprise airstrike on Iranian nuclear facilities—without Congressional approval and with all the subtlety of a toddler with a matchbook—Trump took a victory lap so wide it flattened anyone who…
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If Jesus Came Back Today, He’d Vote Blue: A Sunday Sermon for the Politically Constipated
It’s Sunday morning, and while the evangelical right is hungover from a Saturday night of God-fearing debauchery—tequila, Tinder, and casual racism—I’m sipping Diet Dr. Pepper and writing a little sermon of my own. Not from a pulpit, but from a keyboard that doesn’t judge me for being gay, liberal, or three Reese’s deep before noon.…
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America’s Next Top Solution: How Reality Shows Could Fix Society’s Problems
Imagine a world where Congress is replaced by contestants in sequins, Supreme Court rulings come down to who gets the final rose, and infrastructure funding is determined by who can survive the most eliminations on a beach with zero electricity and twelve influencers. If this sounds absurd, ask yourself: is it really any worse than…