Latest posts
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Snowflake Is Melting Down: Trump Labels His Hurt Feelings Treasonous
The Founding Fathers Forgot to Mention That Napping is Now a State Secret Donald Trump has finally invented a new branch of jurisprudence called “feelings treason,” where noticing a seventy-nine-year-old man is tired is punishable by the full force of the internet. It was only a matter of time before Donald Trump, a man who
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Jasmine Crockett for Senate: The Only Socialist in Texas is the Guy Writing Checks to Elon Musk
They are going to call Jasmine Crockett a socialist.1 Of course they are. In the modern Republican lexicon, “socialist” is just a synonym for “person I am afraid of,” and right now, there is nobody the Texas GOP fears more than the Congresswoman from Dallas who treats a committee hearing like a cross-examination and a
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The Myth of the “Good Old Days”: A Thanksgiving Toast to the Eras That Tried to Erase Us
We gather here today, in the warm glow of incandescent bulbs and familial obligation, to perform the sacred ritual of forced gratitude. The table is set. The turkey is dry. The cranberry sauce retains the ridges of the can, a gelatinous monument to industrial efficiency. And around the perimeter, a collection of relatives—some beloved, some
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The Orange Elephant in the Room: Why Is Ghislaine Maxwell, the “Hoax,” Getting Room Service?
The political theater of the last week has been a masterclass in the art of the pivot. We watched the Trump administration spend months fighting the Epstein Files Transparency Act with the desperate energy of a man trying to hold a door shut against a rising flood. They called it a “Democrat hoax,” a distraction,
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The Morning After the Wave: Trump’s Truth Social Tantrum and the Art of Governing by Gripe
There is a sound that follows defeat, and it is not silence. It is the clattering of a smartphone in the small hours, the electronic cough of a man refreshing his own reflection. The morning after Democrats’ big wins, while New York was still sweeping up confetti and poll workers were still drinking reheated coffee,
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Andrew is Now Prince of Nothing: How the Crown Did What Congress Won’t
Somewhere in the foggy precincts of Britain’s class system, King Charles III just did something extraordinary: he looked his brother in the face, stared into the abyss of Jeffrey Epstein’s fallout, and said, “Not in my house.” And then, with the unhurried precision of a man pruning a diseased branch, he cut. Prince Andrew, Duke
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The Ballots Are Coming From Inside the Mailbox: Trump’s Latest Election-Rigging Hallucination Hits the Road
Donald Trump has logged on again, which means logic has logged off. His latest Truth Social rant claims that the 2020 election was “Rigged and Stolen,” that mail-in voting should be banned, and that California’s Prop 50 redistricting referendum will have “Millions” of fake ballots “shipped” in. He offered no proof, no evidence, no math—just
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Divide, Distract, Deregulate, Disappear: Your Anger Was Focus-Grouped
Culture-war noise keeps you busy while antitrust is gutted, noncompetes spread, and public money builds luxury towers. The Hand in Your Pocket Is Wearing a Cufflink The oldest magic trick in politics begins with a sigh and ends with your wallet. The sigh is theatrical, “What is happening to our great nation?”, and the wallet
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The Young Republicans Just Invented “Accountability Theater,” and the Curtain’s Already Falling
For decades, the Republican Party has reassured America that its future is in good hands—steady, business-casual hands wrapped around a Bud Light and a copy of Atlas Shrugged. Then came the RESTOREYR WAR ROOM leak, 2,900 pages of digital sewage proving that the future of the GOP is, in fact, a racist group chat with
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The Eternal Gravity of Shit: Why Hierarchy Is Humanity’s Favorite Hobby
We like to tell ourselves that human beings are noble, empathetic creatures. We write novels about kindness, sing songs about love, build religions around compassion. But spend thirty seconds in line at Starbucks or thirty minutes Doordashing lukewarm Chipotle to someone in yoga pants, and the truth hits you in the face like a soggy