Latest posts
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Mephisto Finally Appears in the MCU — As a Spoon Reflection, Because Why Not
After seventeen years of online conspiracy theories, leaked Funko Pop rumors, and blurry screenshots from Disney+ paused at 0.02 seconds, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has finally delivered what fans have been begging for: Mephisto. Well… sort of. In a decision that surely involved a dare, a bottle of whiskey, and a budget meeting gone wrong,…
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Pray the Gay Away: A Conversion Therapy Survival Guide (Now With 60% More Trauma and Zero Science)
Welcome to Conversion Therapy™—the only place where Jesus moonlights as a licensed therapist and heterosexuality is somehow contagious if you cry hard enough. Buckle up, buttercup. It’s time for a full-bodied, unlicensed, medically discredited journey through the spiritual carwash known as “turning you straight.” Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work. Unless the goal is PTSD, self-loathing,…
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Confessions from a Needy Son of a Bitch
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Constant Need for Reassurance Hi, I’m the human equivalent of a pop-up ad asking, “Are you mad at me?”—and I’m here to tell you what it’s like to live life as a high-functioning emotional warranty department. I require attention like plants need sunlight, like influencers need…
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The Diddy Trial: America’s Favorite Celebrity Crime Story to Not Care About But Should
Put Him in Jail Already, We’re Busy In the ever-shrinking window between actual consequences and brand-new allegations, Sean “Diddy” Combs continues to shuffle through the American justice system like it’s a red carpet walk—slow, smug, and vaguely sponsored. The latest trial, which should be the pop culture event of the decade, is barely a blip…
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Gay Enough to Be Oppressed, Not Gay Enough for the Invite to Fire Island
Welcome to the glamorous gray zone of gayness, where you’re just queer enough to be denied rights, but not queer enough to get an invite to the VIP section of your own community. I am what some might call a masculine gay man. Which, in today’s queer social economy, means I’m too straight-passing for the…
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Trump Weighs In on Netanyahu’s Trial, Accidentally Declares Himself Israel’s Messiah
Mango Mussolini Endorses Bibi, Entire Planet Becomes Less Safe In a completely normal and definitely sane post on Truth Social—the platform for people too unhinged for Twitter and too banned for LinkedIn—Donald Trump has once again clacked his stubby fingers across the keyboard of prophecy, this time to defend his favorite authoritarian pen pal: Benjamin…
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Zohran Mamdani Defeats Cuomo in NYC Mayoral Primary, Causing White Moderates to Spontaneously Combust Near Whole Foods
The Rent Is Still Too Damn High, But Now It’s Multilingual NEW YORK CITY — In a stunning upset that left political analysts, real estate developers, and several Upper West Side yoga instructors sobbing into their oat milk cortados, Zohran Mamdani, a democratic socialist with an actual spine, has won the Democratic primary for mayor…
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Bee-yond the Beard: Why Food Awards Matter and Who’s Really Stirring the Pot
Once upon a time, if a chef wanted to be taken seriously, they had to toil quietly in the kitchen, perfecting duck à l’orange, whispering sweet nothings to soufflés, and praying some mysterious, trench coat-wearing Michelin inspector would bless their establishment with a star or two (or three, if they had made some sort of…
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The Silent War: My Battle Against Unsolicited Advice (and How I Mostly Lose)
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re the kind of person who starts sentences with “You know what you should do?” — please know I’m already plotting my escape. Politely. Silently. With a smile so tight it could slice through granite. Unsolicited advice is the glitter of social interaction. It shows…
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Now That’s What I Call Woke, Vol. 1.
We live in an era where everything’s being rebooted—movies, sitcoms, even cultural expectations. So why not do the same for music? Specifically, classic song lyrics. Because let’s be honest: some of these tunes didn’t age like fine wine. They aged like milk left in a hot car while catcalling a woman on her lunch break.…