Latest posts
-
Witch Hunt or Fever Dream? Trump Declares War on Kamala, Beyoncé, and Oprah—Because Apparently the Moon Was Booked
In a move that would be deeply concerning if it weren’t also deeply incoherent, former President Donald J. Trump has called for the prosecution of Vice President Kamala Harris, cultural deity Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, and global empathy czarina Oprah Winfrey in connection with…the Epstein fallout. Yes, that Epstein fallout. The conspiracy theory that refuses to die,…
-
The Bongino Doctrine: How to Reform the FBI with a Podcast Mic and a Megaphone
Some men are born for public service. Others have it thrust upon them. And then there’s Daniel Bongino—who appears to have podcasted his way into federal law enforcement leadership with the energy of a man who once read the Constitution off a T-shirt at a gun show. Yes, dear readers, Deputy Director Bongino has officially…
-
Comic‑Con 2025: When Tron, Robots, and Redux Make Us Question Reality
San Diego Comic‑Con 2025 has officially arrived, bringing with it the usual spectacle: bold trailers, unexpected celebrity cameos, and the kind of hyperreal sci‑fi enthusiasm that makes your real life feel like dial‑up internet. Here’s your satirical review of the weirdest, wildest, and most neon-lit highlights: 1. Tron: Ares Takes Over Hall H Disney premiered…
-
The $8 Billion Paramount Merger That Proves Late-Stage Capitalism Still Dreams in 4K
Well, pop some popcorn and cancel your originality, folks—because the FCC has just approved the $8 billion Paramount–Skydance merger, and the entertainment-industrial complex just grew another head. Somewhere between “Mission: Impossible 37” and the fourth reboot of Cheers, this landmark media marriage means that all your favorite intellectual properties now belong to a single cinematic…
-
Beyond the Blockbusters: 8 Films and Shows from 2025 That Deserved More Than a Shrug
Every year, a few shiny, oversaturated blockbusters clog the pop culture pipeline like cholesterol in a Marvel fan’s arteries. They arrive, they dominate, they trend—and then they vanish, leaving behind three memes, two Funko Pops, and a vague sense that maybe cinema died somewhere around the seventh franchise installment. But not everything made in 2025…
-
We Survived COVID, AI, and Three Taylor Swift Eras—Now What?
At some point between Clorox shortages and ChatGPT writing your cousin’s wedding vows, we blinked—and it was 2025. We survived a global pandemic, gave our data to robots with better grammar than our exes, and got emotionally waterboarded by Taylor Swift’s discography not once, not twice, but three times. We’ve lived through Folklore, Midnights, and…
-
Menudo, Murder, and Mistrials: The 90s Are Back, and So Is the Trauma
Somewhere between your thrifted JNCOs and a fresh VHS-to-TikTok conspiracy doc, the ’90s have staged a full-blown comeback. But this time, it’s not Tamagotchis or frosted tips. It’s trauma. Enter: Roy Rosselló of Menudo—boy band alum, survivor, and now, spiritual hype man for Erik and Lyle Menendez. In a recent statement, Rosselló expressed his belief…
-
American Idol Judge Gives Final “No” — to Life
In a chilling twist worthy of a Lifetime movie scored by Ryan Seacrest’s ghostwriter, a music supervisor for American Idol and her husband were found dead in their upscale California home this week. A 22-year-old suspect—who sources say has never made it past Hollywood Week—has been arrested. Authorities are calling it a “targeted killing,” though…
-
Happy 4th of July! The Country’s Already on Fire—Might as Well Add Fireworks
Ah, Independence Day. That one time of year when we gather ‘round gas grills, wave flags made in China, and celebrate “freedom” by launching flaming projectiles into the nearest drought-stricken field. Because nothing screams liberty like sparklers in one hand and existential dread in the other. We’re told it’s a patriotic tradition. But let’s call…