Latest posts
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Drake’s “What Did I Miss?” Sparks Debate on Loyalty, Betrayal, and the Eternal Victim Complex of Rich Men with Wi-Fi
So Drake dropped a new track—“What Did I Miss?”—and the internet did what it always does when Drake opens his mouth: half the world clutched their pearls and declared it “deep,” while the rest of us rolled our eyes so hard we dislocated something. Because here’s the thing: when Drake asks “What did I miss?”—he
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The Rainbow Delusion: Why Queer Representation Clearly Needs a Little Less Glitter and a Lot More Gaslighting
Representation matters. Or so we’ve been told—usually by someone holding a Diversity & Inclusion pamphlet in one hand and a pitchfork full of budget cuts in the other. But nothing says progress like a major studio loudly patting itself on the back for including a gay character that blinks ambiguously in the background of a
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Ken Mehlman Comes Out—Just a Few Million Hate Crimes Too Late
In today’s episode of The Gays Can Forgive, But We’re Gonna Roast You First, let’s talk about Ken Mehlman: former Bush campaign manager, architect of the 2004 “Ban the Gays” electoral strategy, and current reformed homosexual with a PR-approved redemption arc. Because nothing screams “personal growth” quite like helping destroy millions of lives before quietly
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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Heal: The Ghost Policy Still Marching in Combat Boots
Ah yes. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell—that beloved Clinton-era gem of half-measure equality. The 1993 military policy that essentially told queer Americans, “You can serve your country, but could you please do it invisibly?” Because nothing says “thank you for your service” like “now lie about who you are, suppress your identity, and don’t you dare
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Things You Should Never Talk About (So Naturally, I Talk About Them Constantly)
There are rules, you know. Social rules. Unspoken guidelines passed down through generations of repressed puritans and HR departments that dictate what should never, under any circumstances, be uttered in polite company. Naturally, these are my favorite topics. Take money, for instance. People say, “Don’t ask what someone makes. Don’t discuss debt. Don’t mention how
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Trump Weighs In on Netanyahu’s Trial, Accidentally Declares Himself Israel’s Messiah
Mango Mussolini Endorses Bibi, Entire Planet Becomes Less Safe In a completely normal and definitely sane post on Truth Social—the platform for people too unhinged for Twitter and too banned for LinkedIn—Donald Trump has once again clacked his stubby fingers across the keyboard of prophecy, this time to defend his favorite authoritarian pen pal: Benjamin
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Daddy Issues: NATO, Mark Rutte specifically, Hopes to Be Trump’s Ivanka—Instead, They’re His Tiffany
There are headlines that make you sigh, others that make you wince, and then there’s: “Daddy, You’re My Daddy.” No, that’s not the title of a long-lost porn parody of Succession. It’s what Donald Trump claimed NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte said to him—affectionately, mind you—during a NATO summit in the Netherlands, in reference to
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Welcome to 2025: A Field Guide to the Apocalypse Lite™
Compiled by: A Sentient Bee with Anxiety and a Data Plan Congratulations! You’ve made it to 2025, the year where climate collapse is trending, AI writes breakup texts, and Congress now live-streams on OnlyFans. As your reward, we’ve compiled this essential guide to surviving another year of democracy limping through menopause. Whether you’re queer in
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RFK Jr. Solves Alzheimer’s by Forgetting He Just Cut Funding For It
America, breathe easy. Our long national nightmare of aging brains and memory loss is over—because Robert F. Kennedy Jr., anti-vax whisperer and discount conspiracy Santa, has boldly declared that he is “completely committed to solving Alzheimer’s.” Naturally, this announcement was made shortly before his proposal to cut $1.2 billion from the National Institutes of Health,
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Trump Declares Peace Treaty with Imaginary Friend
BREAKING: In a breaking development that broke absolutely nothing, Donald J. Trump has declared a ceasefire between Israel and Iran. Which would be groundbreaking—if either country had actually agreed to it. Or even acknowledged it. Or knew what he was talking about. Iran, when asked to comment, essentially replied, “New ceasefire, who dis?” And Israel,