Latest posts
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Trump Declares Peace Treaty with Imaginary Friend
BREAKING: In a breaking development that broke absolutely nothing, Donald J. Trump has declared a ceasefire between Israel and Iran. Which would be groundbreaking—if either country had actually agreed to it. Or even acknowledged it. Or knew what he was talking about. Iran, when asked to comment, essentially replied, “New ceasefire, who dis?” And Israel,
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Supreme Court to the World: You Can Stay… Until We Find a Plane Ticket and a Country That Doesn’t Know You Yet
Congratulations, America. Our Supreme Court just swiped right on international human rights law and ghosted it five minutes later. With a vote of 6-3—because of course it was—they decided it’s perfectly fine to deport undocumented immigrants to countries they’ve never set foot in. The catch? All you need is a “criminal conviction” and a fast-pass
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Anderson Allison Cooper and the Enriched Delusion: A Very Stable Tantrum
So here’s to Allison Cooper. May your poise forever expose the chaos. May your reporting cut through the noise. And may your very existence continue to make old men in red hats clutch their pearls harder than their Russian passports.
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Bee-yond the Beard: Why Food Awards Matter and Who’s Really Stirring the Pot
Once upon a time, if a chef wanted to be taken seriously, they had to toil quietly in the kitchen, perfecting duck à l’orange, whispering sweet nothings to soufflés, and praying some mysterious, trench coat-wearing Michelin inspector would bless their establishment with a star or two (or three, if they had made some sort of
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Bomb, Boast, Blame: Trump’s Favorite Wartime Tradition Is Turning on His Own
You can always tell a Trump presidency is back in full swing when he drops bombs one day and burns bridges the next. After launching a surprise airstrike on Iranian nuclear facilities—without Congressional approval and with all the subtlety of a toddler with a matchbook—Trump took a victory lap so wide it flattened anyone who
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Bill Clinton endorses Andrew Cuomo by saying “You. You get me,” and it’s as awkward as it sounds.
Bill Clinton Looked at Andrew Cuomo and Said, “You. You Get Me.” Somewhere between sipping Diet Dr. Pepper and scrolling the headlines, I stumbled across it: Bill Clinton has officially endorsed Andrew Cuomo for mayor of New York City. At first, I laughed, assuming it was a parody post — like The Onion had merged
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Strait Outta Options: Iran Votes to Shut Down the Strait of Hormuz, Trump Shuts Down Logic, and We’re All Just Along for the Ride
It’s Sunday, June 22, 2025. While half the country is at church pretending they didn’t black out at Applebee’s karaoke last night, I’m sitting here sipping my third Diet Dr. Pepper of the morning and trying to emotionally process the fact that the Strait of Hormuz will be closed and we’re apparently doing Iran War,
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If Jesus Came Back Today, He’d Vote Blue: A Sunday Sermon for the Politically Constipated
It’s Sunday morning, and while the evangelical right is hungover from a Saturday night of God-fearing debauchery—tequila, Tinder, and casual racism—I’m sipping Diet Dr. Pepper and writing a little sermon of my own. Not from a pulpit, but from a keyboard that doesn’t judge me for being gay, liberal, or three Reese’s deep before noon.
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Not Everyone Has the Same Sense of Humor (And That’s Hilarious)
Comedy is subjective. That’s the politically correct way of saying, “I laughed, you were offended, and now we’re both awkwardly sipping iced coffee like nothing happened.” What one person sees as brilliant satire, another calls childish, tasteless, or “the reason society is collapsing.” And sometimes, all of those are true—at the same time. You can
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Bombs First, Congress Later: Trump’s Strikes on Iran Break the Rules (Again)
On June 21, 2025, President Donald Trump announced via Truth Social that the United States had conducted “a very successful attack” on three Iranian nuclear sites—Fordow, Natanz, and Esfahan. In the post, he proudly confirmed that a “full payload of bombs” had been dropped on the Fordow facility, and that all U.S. warplanes had exited