Latest posts
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Welcome to the Circus: A Love Letter to the American Experience (Now with Extra Fees!)
Being an American means never having to say, “This makes sense.” It’s waking up every day in a nation so committed to being “exceptional” that we’ve proudly invented our own measurement system, health care roulette, and the concept of a “patriotic brand of bottled water.” Let’s take a moment to appreciate the uniquely unhinged bingo
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Epstein, Trump, and Musk Walk Into a Jail Cell: One Minute Missing, Infinite Questions
In the latest episode of America’s Favorite Unsolved Government Mystery, a single missing minute from Jeffrey Epstein’s jailhouse surveillance footage has sparked a political firestorm, conspiracy-theory bonanza, and a fresh round of popcorn sales across the country. That’s right—just one minute, allegedly “lost” during a routine system reset, has become the most important 60 seconds
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Man of Woke: James Gunn’s ‘Superman’ Sparks Truth, Justice, and Fox News Outrage
New Superman Soars at Box Office, Melts Snowflakes Faster Than Laser Vision In a cinematic event that has right-wing Twitter clutching its pearls harder than Kryptonite, James Gunn’s new Superman reboot has dared—DARED—to do the unthinkable: portray Superman as… an immigrant. That’s right. The man who literally arrived on Earth inside an alien spacecraft and
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The Spy Who Subpoenaed Me: Brennan & Comey’s Deep State Tango
Meanwhile, the Epstein security system took a lunch break… permanently. In the latest episode of America’s favorite political telenovela, the FBI has apparently decided to play a high-stakes game of Uno in reverse—by investigating former FBI Director James Comey and former CIA Director John Brennan over their roles in the Trump-Russia investigation. Yes, you read
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Make Peace Great Again: Trump Nominated for Nobel, World Nods Politely
In a plot twist that reads like satire but somehow isn’t, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has officially nominated Donald J. Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, citing his “tremendous, absolutely tremendous work” brokering the Abraham Accords. Trump reportedly accepted the nomination with humility, saying only: “Of course I deserve it. I’ve brought more peace
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Trump Declares Elon Musk a “TRAIN WRECK,” Brags GOP Is a “Smooth Running Machine” (Powered by Gas, Naturally)
In a furious all-caps missive on Truth Social (a platform that’s just Facebook with delusions of relevance), Donald J. Trump lashed out at former buddy Elon Musk—declaring the billionaire has gone “off the rails,” become a “TRAIN WRECK,” and is basically trying to derail American democracy with the most heinous crime of all: starting a
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BREAKING: Elon Musk Just Discovered Donald Trump Isn’t a Fiscal Conservative—Thoughts and Rockets
In today’s edition of Billionaire Has Feelings, Elon Musk has reportedly turned on Donald Trump, citing concerns that the ex-president is “going to bankrupt the country.” This comes as a genuine shock to Musk, who only recently realized that Trump may not, in fact, be the gold standard of economic discipline. Yes, the man who
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Trump’s Week: Cologne, Cutbacks, and Cold Cheeseburgers—An American Saga
In a political climate already resembling a fever dream wrapped in a flag, Donald Trump managed to cram a full season’s worth of headlines into a single week. If you blinked, you might’ve missed something truly presidential—like fragrance drops or threats of billionaire deportation. Here’s a breakdown of the chaos: 📱 Trump vs. AT&T: A
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Elon Musk Launches the “America Party”: Season 42 of the U.S. Soap Opera
Ok, so now Elon Musk—yes, that Elon Musk—has officially launched a third political party in the U.S. It’s called the America Party, and if you’re wondering what spurred this: it’s the same billionaire who helped bankroll Trump’s 2024 campaign… now suddenly deciding he’s had a change of heart because Trump passed a spending bill that
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Texas Floods Leave 24 Dead, Over 20 Campers Missing—But Sure, Let’s Keep Praying for Rain and Cutting Climate Funding
Central Texas is underwater—again—and this time, it’s not just a metaphor for the state’s political stability. Over the weekend, massive flash floods swept through the heart of Texas, killing 24 people and leaving at least 20 more missing, most of them campers who thought “off-grid” meant bad Wi-Fi, not an accidental baptism by climate denial.