Latest posts
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Bootylicious but Make It Denim: Beyoncé Reinvents the Levi’s Ad and Possibly Capitalism
Somewhere between a biblical soft launch and a Y2K fever dream, Beyoncé has risen again—this time not in a sequined bodysuit or Renaissance tour disco horse, but in a pair of Levi’s. And not just any Levi’s, mind you. Beyoncé doesn’t “just” wear jeans. She manifests them. She anoints them. She places her cosmic behind
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RFK Jr. Just Cut $500 Million in mRNA Vaccine Contracts. Because Science Is a Vibe Now.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has announced plans to cut $500 million in mRNA vaccine contracts, showcasing a shift towards skepticism and populism over scientific progress. His actions signify a broader trend of undermining public health infrastructure, promoting conspiracy, and cultivating distrust in science, potentially jeopardizing future disease response and preventive measures.
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To the Moon, With Malice: Sean Duffy, Space Nukes, and the Bold American Tradition of Saying “Oops” in Orbit
Because nothing says “we’ve got this under control” like a man best known for The Real World: Boston now overseeing the launch of a nuclear reactor on the moon, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy—yes, that Sean Duffy—is expected to announce new directives to fast-track lunar radiation and orbital real estate development in what experts are calling
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America: Where the Policy Changes But the Passive-Aggression Stays the Same
Somewhere between the overturned classified documents and the overturned convictions, the Trump administration (yes, that one again) decided to quietly reverse a decades-old policy that withheld federal aid from states that penalized individuals or companies for not participating in Israel boycotts. Don’t worry if you missed it—most people were too busy photoshopping mugshots onto T-shirts
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The Primary Buffet: Democrats Prepare to Feed Themselves to Democracy (Again)
The 2028 Democratic primary isn’t officially underway, but if you lean in closely, you can already hear the clinking of silverware at the self-cannibalism buffet. A dozen forks, half a platform, and the unshakeable belief that this will be the year a candidate emerges who is both inspiring and electable, progressive and pragmatic, fierce but…
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Lines in the Sand: How Redistricting Became the Supreme Court’s Favorite Shape-Shiting Weapon
It’s once again that magical time in America when maps are less about geography and more about strategy—where lines aren’t drawn by cartographers but by career politicians with a vengeance kink. This month, the Supreme Court decided to up the ante in Louisiana’s redistricting case, because apparently we haven’t suffered enough slow-moving constitutional erosion for
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You’re Fired: Trump Finds the Real Culprit Behind America’s Job Woes (Hint: It’s Not Capitalism)
In a surprising twist that shocked absolutely no one, former President Donald J. Trump has once again taken bold, decisive, and entirely unhinged action against the greatest threat to American prosperity: math. Specifically, the kind of math that results in job reports that make him look bad. Following a “disappointing” economic update, which revealed that
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Depth Charges and Daddy Issues: America’s Favorite Strongman Plays Battleship With the World
In a turn of events that could only be described as “textbook masculine fragility but with submarines,” former President Donald J. Trump has responded to a so-called “highly provocative” statement from Russia not with diplomacy, nor with tact, nor even with a sharply worded tweet—but with the deployment of two nuclear submarines. Because nothing says
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The Gilded Ceiling: When Diplomacy Gets a Dance Floor Upgrade
It was the kind of announcement that arrived with all the subtlety of a gold-plated wrecking ball: Former President Donald Trump, against the backdrop of campaign chants and crystal chandeliers, declared that the White House—America’s most sacred secular shrine—will soon be getting a 90,000-square-foot ballroom. Because apparently, what the executive branch lacked most wasn’t decorum,