Latest posts
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The Price of Doing the Right Thing: A Life-Long Scarlet Letter for Telling the Truth
I’m not a thief. I’m not a bad person. I’m not perfect either, and I’ve made my share of mistakes. But I have always tried to live with integrity. I’ve chosen honesty over convenience, truth over spin, even when it wasn’t the easy road. I’ve gone without food before asking someone for help. When I
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Not Everyone Has the Same Sense of Humor (And That’s Hilarious)
Comedy is subjective. That’s the politically correct way of saying, “I laughed, you were offended, and now we’re both awkwardly sipping iced coffee like nothing happened.” What one person sees as brilliant satire, another calls childish, tasteless, or “the reason society is collapsing.” And sometimes, all of those are true—at the same time. You can
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Obsessive? Maybe. Compulsive? A Bit. Correct? Always.
People like to say, “You seem so calm these days.” And I am. I am calm. Serene, even. I’ve evolved. I’ve grown. I’ve matured past the era of alphabetizing the contents of my sock drawer by emotional tone and pantone number. I no longer spiral into a dissociative state if someone opens a cabinet and
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The Art of the No-War War: Trump orders the U.S. Military to bomb Iran
On June 21, 2025, President Donald J. Trump took to Truth Social—America’s favorite unhinged group chat with fonts—to announce that the U.S. military had completed a “very successful attack” on three Iranian nuclear sites. And by “successful,” he of course meant in the same way your uncle “successfully” fixes the toilet but leaves the bathroom
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Donald Trump Deserves the Nobel Peace Prize—and These 13 Other Awards, Apparently
Donald Trump recently declared that he “deserves” the Nobel Peace Prize. Because nothing says ambassador of peace like inciting a coup, cozying up to dictators, and trying to nuke a hurricane. But hey, if we’re handing out global honors like party favors, why stop there? Let’s give the man all the awards—actual, prestigious, internationally recognized
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The Top 10 Places No One Should Visit, Ever (Sorry, But Not Really)
Some cities are called hidden gems. Others should stay hidden like cursed relics sealed away for humanity’s protection. And yet, against all reason, people still book flights, plan road trips, and willingly subject themselves to places that radiate the energy of expired milk and sadness. Whether it’s toxic humidity, questionable locals, political decay, or the
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The Unofficial Rules of the Gym (According to Someone Who Doesn’t Go)
I want to be clear up front: I do not frequent the gym. I don’t even infrequent the gym. If the gym were a person, we’d be the kind of estranged acquaintances who wave awkwardly across a crowded room and then both pretend to take a phone call. I have nothing against exercise—I just prefer
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5G Mind Control and Lizard People: The Most Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories I’ve Ever Heard (and Maybe Believed for 0.2 Seconds)
You ever hear something so absolutely batshit that your brain short-circuits trying to process it? Like, your eyebrows do that confused slant, your jaw unlatches, and you momentarily disassociate while wondering if we, as a species, deserve to survive? Yeah—welcome to the glittery underbelly of conspiracy culture. Now listen, I’m no stranger to questioning authority.
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Sometimes I Don’t Want to Be the Bigger Person — I Want Revenge and Popcorn (Extra Butter, Extra Petty)
There’s a very specific kind of rage that bubbles up when someone wrongs you and somehow walks away wearing a halo, smiling like they just donated a kidney to a koala. It’s the kind of righteous fury that makes you want to dye your dog neon pink, roll up to their house with a boombox
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Ruth Langmore: The Heart, Soul, and Tragedy of Ozark
The murky waters of the Ozarks, seemingly tranquil on the surface, hide a relentless undertow of criminality, moral decay, and profound desperation. For four gripping seasons, a masterful series plunged us into this treacherous landscape, forcing us to confront the chilling depths of human ambition and the devastating cost of survival. But amidst the calculating