Latest posts
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America’s Next Top Solution: How Reality Shows Could Fix Society’s Problems
Imagine a world where Congress is replaced by contestants in sequins, Supreme Court rulings come down to who gets the final rose, and infrastructure funding is determined by who can survive the most eliminations on a beach with zero electricity and twelve influencers. If this sounds absurd, ask yourself: is it really any worse than
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Lassie Was the Real Menace: An Exposé on Classic Characters We Shouldn’t Have Trusted
Look, I’m not saying Lassie is a sociopath. But I’m also not not saying it. For years, the beloved collie has been hailed as the paragon of loyalty, intelligence, and tail-wagging heroism. Every week, she was dragging her shaggy little boots across farmland and throwing dramatic looks toward camera operators in a silent plea to
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Bombs First, Congress Later: Trump’s Strikes on Iran Break the Rules (Again)
On June 21, 2025, President Donald Trump announced via Truth Social that the United States had conducted “a very successful attack” on three Iranian nuclear sites—Fordow, Natanz, and Esfahan. In the post, he proudly confirmed that a “full payload of bombs” had been dropped on the Fordow facility, and that all U.S. warplanes had exited
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The Art of the No-War War: Trump orders the U.S. Military to bomb Iran
On June 21, 2025, President Donald J. Trump took to Truth Social—America’s favorite unhinged group chat with fonts—to announce that the U.S. military had completed a “very successful attack” on three Iranian nuclear sites. And by “successful,” he of course meant in the same way your uncle “successfully” fixes the toilet but leaves the bathroom
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Donald Trump Deserves the Nobel Peace Prize—and These 13 Other Awards, Apparently
Donald Trump recently declared that he “deserves” the Nobel Peace Prize. Because nothing says ambassador of peace like inciting a coup, cozying up to dictators, and trying to nuke a hurricane. But hey, if we’re handing out global honors like party favors, why stop there? Let’s give the man all the awards—actual, prestigious, internationally recognized
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The Art of Small Talk (and Why I Sometimes Use It for Chaos)
My grandfather never met a stranger. I used to think it was just a West Texas thing, but no—it was a him thing. Whether it was the cashier at the grocery store or a couple making out in a parking lot, he had a way of wading into their lives, feet first, like he already
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Elon Musk Declares War on Knowledge, Armed Only with Ego and a Lobotomized AI
Just when you thought Elon Musk couldn’t get any more chaotic, he opens his intergalactic mouth and says—no, tweets—that Grok 3.5 (or 4, or whatever number he’s feeling that day) will “rewrite the entire corpus of human knowledge.” Not update it. Not improve it. Rewrite it. With “advanced reasoning,” which in Muskland apparently means Reddit-level
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Call JD Vance Anything But Competent: The Curious Case of “Jose Padilla”
Once upon a time, in a country that hadn’t completely surrendered to chaos, calling a sitting U.S. Senator by the wrong name—say, calling Senator Alex Padilla “Jose”—might have warranted an apology. Maybe even a headline. Maybe especially if it came from the newly minted Vice President of the United States. But in today’s America, where
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Sergio Gor: The HR Spy Who Ghosted Elon Musk
At first glance, Sergio Gor doesn’t scream “international spy.” He screams “owns multiple vests” or maybe “asks if the coffee is ethically sourced.” But according to Elon Musk, the man quietly running the Presidential Personnel Office might be more than just an ambitious bureaucrat—he could be a sleeper agent planted by Russia to undermine America’s
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Medicaid and Social Security Replaced with Thoughts and Prayers (and Other Promises from the Apocalypse)
Welcome to the future: where the oceans have risen, the temperature is lava-adjacent, and America’s retirement plan is a half-used candle from Hobby Lobby labeled “HOPE.” In this brave new world, Medicaid and Social Security have officially been replaced with a federal program called Thoughts and Prayers, which is just a pop-up window that plays