Latest posts
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Welcome to The Good Ol’ Days™: A Timeless Destination Where History Never Quite Happened
Ever felt overwhelmed by the modern world’s insistence on equality, nuance, and basic historical literacy? Are you tired of safe spaces, accurate textbooks, and the terrifying possibility that someone might call out your Facebook meme as racially coded? Fear not, weary time traveler. Grab your pearls, clutch your rosary, and buckle up—because The Good Ol’
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Why I Write: A Totally Reasonable, Not-At-All-Desperate Manifesto of Emotional Chaos and Delusions of Immortality
Someone recently asked me why I write. Just a casual question. Like “What’s your Starbucks order?” or “Do you think the apocalypse will be AI or climate-based?” And after initially wanting to answer with a vague “Because it’s cheaper than therapy,” I realized… no, this is actually a rich and layered question. So I dug
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Gay Enough to Be Oppressed, Not Gay Enough for the Invite to Fire Island
Welcome to the glamorous gray zone of gayness, where you’re just queer enough to be denied rights, but not queer enough to get an invite to the VIP section of your own community. I am what some might call a masculine gay man. Which, in today’s queer social economy, means I’m too straight-passing for the
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Trump Weighs In on Netanyahu’s Trial, Accidentally Declares Himself Israel’s Messiah
Mango Mussolini Endorses Bibi, Entire Planet Becomes Less Safe In a completely normal and definitely sane post on Truth Social—the platform for people too unhinged for Twitter and too banned for LinkedIn—Donald Trump has once again clacked his stubby fingers across the keyboard of prophecy, this time to defend his favorite authoritarian pen pal: Benjamin
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Zohran Mamdani Defeats Cuomo in NYC Mayoral Primary, Causing White Moderates to Spontaneously Combust Near Whole Foods
The Rent Is Still Too Damn High, But Now It’s Multilingual NEW YORK CITY — In a stunning upset that left political analysts, real estate developers, and several Upper West Side yoga instructors sobbing into their oat milk cortados, Zohran Mamdani, a democratic socialist with an actual spine, has won the Democratic primary for mayor
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Trickle-Down Yacht Club: Jeff Bezos Built a Superyacht Out of Your Food Stamps
Oh, America. Land of the free, home of the grossly overworked Amazon associate who just peed in a bottle so Jeff Bezos can afford to put marble countertops in his second yacht. Not the yacht—the yacht’s yacht. A little backup boat, like a bougie sidecar for when your primary vessel is too emotionally burdened by
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Daddy Issues: NATO, Mark Rutte specifically, Hopes to Be Trump’s Ivanka—Instead, They’re His Tiffany
There are headlines that make you sigh, others that make you wince, and then there’s: “Daddy, You’re My Daddy.” No, that’s not the title of a long-lost porn parody of Succession. It’s what Donald Trump claimed NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte said to him—affectionately, mind you—during a NATO summit in the Netherlands, in reference to
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Your Loved One Is in Good Hands: The Ones That Just Changed a Bedpan
Welcome, dear family member! We know it’s hard leaving Nana with strangers who call her “sweetheart” instead of by her actual name, but rest assured: she is absolutely in good hands. And by “good hands,” we mean the chapped, underpaid, chronically overworked hands of Carla, who has just finished wiping diarrhea off a shower chair
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So I Found the Love of My Life… Now What?
The Rest of You May As Well Log Off. There comes a time in every former trauma dumpling’s life when the clouds part, the birds chirp, and some suspiciously handsome man with stable communication skills and actual emotional intelligence shows up. For me, it happened eight months ago. And now? Honestly—I’m unwell. In the best