Latest posts
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Snowflake Is Melting Down: Trump Labels His Hurt Feelings Treasonous
The Founding Fathers Forgot to Mention That Napping is Now a State Secret Donald Trump has finally invented a new branch of jurisprudence called “feelings treason,” where noticing a seventy-nine-year-old man is tired is punishable by the full force of the internet. It was only a matter of time before Donald Trump, a man who
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Gavin Newsom Wants Democrats to Be Normal, Even If It Means You Have to Disappear
The Governor of California has discovered the secret to winning 2028, and it involves throwing the most vulnerable people in his coalition into a closet labeled “Later.” There is a specific kind of political epiphany that only happens in rooms where the bottled water costs twelve dollars and the audience is composed entirely of people
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The Remake is Always Worse: Why the War on Venezuela is Just the Iraq Script with an Orange Trump Filter
We have seen this movie before, and spoiler alert: the ending involves a lot of sand, a lot of blood, and absolutely zero refunds. The American military machine has always had a flair for the cinematic, but the recent seizure of the oil tanker Skipper off the coast of Venezuela felt less like a naval
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The Repo Man Wears a MAGA Hat: Trump Administration Decides That the Only Thing Trickling Down is Interest
The government has decided that the biggest threat to the American economy is a twenty-six-year-old with a degree in graphic design and an extra two hundred dollars a month. There is a specific kind of silence that falls over a generation when they realize the safety net was actually a trap door. For the last
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The Battle of the Billionaire Kaiju: Netflix and Paramount Fight to See Who Gets to Kill Cinema
The ink wasn’t even dry on the surrender treaty before a new warlord arrived with a bigger bag of cash and a scarier line of credit. Just when we thought the funeral for the Hollywood studio system was over, just when we had resigned ourselves to a future where Warner Bros. was merely a sub-directory
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Citizenship Is Now a Vibe Check: How Operation Midway Blitz Turned Chicago into a Constitutional Dead Zone
The Department of Homeland Security has apparently decided that the Fourteenth Amendment is just a suggestion, and that a Sam’s Club parking lot is the new Ellis Island. If you were under the impression that United States citizenship was a legal status conferred by the Constitution, validated by birth certificates, and protected by the Bill
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The Ghost of Competence Past: Joe Biden Accepts an Award While the World Burns
In a hotel ballroom in Washington, a decent man tried to remind us that the government wasn’t always a weapon, while the press corps frantically zoomed in to see if he blinked too slowly. On December 5, 2025, the timeline offered us a split-screen moment so jarring it felt like a glitch in the simulation.
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The Pipe Bomber Was Never a Ghost. He Was Just a Guy With a Rewards Card.
After five years of conspiracy theories about fed-surrectionists and secret operatives, the grand mystery resolves into a Nissan Sentra and a bag of galvanized pipe. We have spent nearly five years living inside a collective fever dream regarding the events of January 5 and 6, 2021. In the absence of an arrest, the “J6 Pipe
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The United States of Paranoia: When the National Security Strategy Reads Like a Reddit Thread
The new official policy of the United States is apparently that France is too dark, Russia is just misunderstood, and the Western Hemisphere is a gated community that needs a higher fence. There is a specific kind of document that usually emerges from the White House every few years called the National Security Strategy. Historically,
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The Avengers Assemble to Save Cinema from the Algorithm: Why Hollywood Just Sent an Anonymous Ransom Note to Congress
The call is coming from inside the beach house. A secret cabal of A-list directors is begging the government to stop Netflix from turning Warner Bros. into a content sludge factory, while the President tries to cast the winner like a reality show finale. There is a specific genre of panic that only exists in