Latest posts
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Business as Usual: A Two-Shooter Monday in the Land of the Free
There’s a uniquely American efficiency to how we process mass shootings. As if the country were run by a bureaucratic vending machine that now just spits out blood instead of soda. Insert thoughts. Receive prayers. Try again tomorrow. Today’s patriotic performance art featured not one but two active shooter incidents. First, the Grand Sierra Resort
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Budget Balanced, Children Buried: Austerity’s Most Efficient Program Yet
This week, the free market claimed another quiet victory as reports emerged that 652 Nigerian children have died of malnutrition—an achievement brought to you by the miracle of international funding cuts and the global community’s ongoing commitment to staring directly into a fire and commenting on the smoke. Doctors Without Borders, the organization still laboring
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“Oops! All Felons”: New Orleans Accidentally Launches a Surprise Guest Star Into the Wild
The city of New Orleans—where beads fly, potholes breed, and municipal systems run on gumbo and guesswork—has delivered its latest trick: releasing an inmate due to a “clerical error.” A phrase that, in theory, should mean someone got the date wrong on a form—not that a man accused of attempted murder now has a head
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Let Them Eat Optics: Gaza Starves While World Leaders Host a Photo Op
In a powerful show of concern, several world leaders have finally taken a bold, unified stand against the most dangerous enemy in the Gaza conflict: bad press. After months of airstrikes, blockades, and performative diplomacy, President Donald J. Trump emerged from his golf cart to announce that yes—“real starvation” is happening in Gaza, and yes—it
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The Second Term’s the Charm: Trump, DEI, and Other Performance Art Pieces from a Government in Reflux
The Trump administration’s second act has arrived—unseasoned, unfiltered, and flush with the confidence of a man who thinks The Art of the Deal is still in print. What began as a 2016 fever dream has curdled into a 2025 reality show reboot: America’s Next Top Autocrat. Naturally, there’s been some turbulence. The president, emboldened by
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From Voltron Spoilers to Space Cavemen: Comic‑Con 2025 Is Looking Very, Very Loud
Comic‑Con 2025 is in full force, and the annual spectacle reached new levels of cinematic absurdity. If you thought fandom insanity peaked with the return of Rick and Morty, this year’s convention feels like it’s being curated by a hyperactive AI with a nostalgia filter set to “max.” Let’s unpack the highlights—with all the sarcasm
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Comic‑Con 2025: When Tron, Robots, and Redux Make Us Question Reality
San Diego Comic‑Con 2025 has officially arrived, bringing with it the usual spectacle: bold trailers, unexpected celebrity cameos, and the kind of hyperreal sci‑fi enthusiasm that makes your real life feel like dial‑up internet. Here’s your satirical review of the weirdest, wildest, and most neon-lit highlights: 1. Tron: Ares Takes Over Hall H Disney premiered
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The Ghislaine Games: Now Streaming on the Delusion Network
Ghislaine Maxwell, former jet-set socialite turned convicted sex trafficker turned “spiritual wellness enthusiast” (her words, allegedly), has now completed her two-day interview with Justice Department officials. That’s right—two whole days to unload the receipts of a multi-decade global child trafficking ring. Either she talks faster than Gilmore Girls on cocaine, or someone left half the
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The Epstein Files, the Ghislaine Summit, and the Sudden Disappearance of Congress: A Whodunit with No Will to Know
It began, as these things often do, with a subpoena no one expected to be enforced. The House Oversight Subcommittee, waking briefly from its decades-long nap under a pile of lobbyist wine-and-dine receipts, voted to demand Department of Justice records related to the Jeffrey Epstein case. A bold move, considering most of Congress has treated