Latest posts
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Drunk Pete’s Reagan Forum Was a Wake for the World Order
The Secretary of Defense just told the ghost of the Gipper that the new American strategy is “Get Off My Lawn.” In the hallowed halls of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where the ghost of the Gipper usually presides over speeches about tearing down walls and shining cities on hills, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth decided
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Apple’s Spaceship Has a Hull Breach: Why the Smartest Guys in the Room Are Ejecting
Tim Cook is wandering the halls of the Infinite Loop with a roll of duct tape and a bag of stock options, but the airlock is already open. There is a specific kind of panic that sets in when the invincible object suddenly cracks. For the last decade, Apple has been the monolith of Silicon
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The Red N Swallows the Shield: Why Netflix Buying Warner Bros. Is the Final Season of Hollywood
The algorithm finally bought the dream factory, and it paid cash. It is finished. The war for the soul of Hollywood, a conflict that has raged since the first DVD was mailed in a red envelope, has ended not with a treaty but with an unconditional surrender. In early December 2025, the unthinkable became the
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The Ghost of Competence Past: Joe Biden Accepts an Award While the World Burns
In a hotel ballroom in Washington, a decent man tried to remind us that the government wasn’t always a weapon, while the press corps frantically zoomed in to see if he blinked too slowly. On December 5, 2025, the timeline offered us a split-screen moment so jarring it felt like a glitch in the simulation.
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DOJ To Release Grand Jury Epstein Information, Supposedly
On December 19, the United States government will attempt a new experiment: telling the truth about how it let a monster run a catering service for predators. There is a specific kind of silence that descends upon a room when the lights are suddenly turned on at a party that has gone on far too
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The United States of Paranoia: When the National Security Strategy Reads Like a Reddit Thread
The new official policy of the United States is apparently that France is too dark, Russia is just misunderstood, and the Western Hemisphere is a gated community that needs a higher fence. There is a specific kind of document that usually emerges from the White House every few years called the National Security Strategy. Historically,
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The Battle of Suriname: How We Saved Ohio from a Boat Headed to the Netherlands
The White House promised us they were stopping a direct threat to the homeland, but it turns out they were just interdicting a shipment for the Amsterdam party scene with a Hellfire missile. Geography has never been a strong suit of the American empire. We have a long and storied history of confusing one desert
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Olivia Nuzzi’s American Canto: The Art of Selling a Scandal Without Actually Selling the Goods
When the memoir is less a reckoning and more a press release written in the font of a nervous breakdown. The collapse of a reputation in Washington usually follows a predictable physics. There is the initial transgression, followed by the frantic denial, the inevitable leak of digital receipts, the forced resignation, and finally the exile
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Zuckerberg Poaches Apple’s Alan Dye to Teach the Metaverse How to Feel (Or At Least How to Fake It)
The biggest transfer in tech isn’t about hardware. It is about Mark Zuckerberg paying top dollar for the one thing he can’t code: vibes. The announcement video looked less like a corporate hiring update and more like the trailer for a film about a brooding architect who accidentally invents a soul. There was Mark Zuckerberg,
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Operation Catahoula Crunch: The Department of Homeland Security Brings Holiday Fear to the Big Easy
When the “Big Easy” becomes the “Big Empty,” you know the circus has come to town, but this time the parade floats are unmarked vans and the beads are handcuffs. The sun rose over New Orleans this morning to a parade nobody ordered. Usually, when vehicles crawl through these streets at a walking pace, there