Latest posts
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The Young Republicans Just Invented “Accountability Theater,” and the Curtain’s Already Falling
For decades, the Republican Party has reassured America that its future is in good hands—steady, business-casual hands wrapped around a Bud Light and a copy of Atlas Shrugged. Then came the RESTOREYR WAR ROOM leak, 2,900 pages of digital sewage proving that the future of the GOP is, in fact, a racist group chat with
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No Kings Day: America’s Most Patriotic Middle Finger
The founders would have loved this. Not the powdered wig cosplay or the “Don’t Tread on Me” truck decals that confuse tyranny with speed limits—but the idea that millions of Americans could, in 2025, look at a would-be monarch and collectively say: nope. This October 18, No Kings Day returns. And if June was the
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The Pentagon Has Entered Its “No Reporters, Please” Era
The building that invented acronyms, leaks, and irony has decided it’s allergic to all three. According to CNN’s media desk, the Pentagon under Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has rolled out sweeping new restrictions that would make even the Kremlin’s press office blush. The new “access pledge” requires journalists to sign away their ability to do
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Statehood for the States That Aren’t: A Hypothetical Love Letter to Democracy’s Participation Trophy
There’s a certain kind of American optimism that only emerges when we start talking about statehood, the same bright-eyed, civics-class sparkle that insists representation is a moral right and not a political chess move. But let’s be honest—if every U.S. territory and D.C. were granted statehood tomorrow, the fireworks wouldn’t be about democracy fulfilled. They’d
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The GOP’s Youth Wing Texted Its Soul—and the Screenshots Are a Horror Film
Once upon a time, “Young Republicans” conjured up an image of overeager poli-sci majors in red ties quoting Reagan and networking over light beer. You know, the overconfident debate-team archetype—annoying, yes, but largely harmless. Fast-forward to 2025, and Politico has dropped a leak that proves the next generation of GOP leadership is less “country club
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The Death of Facts: How Ring Wing America Replaced Reality with Programming
There was a time, not all that long ago, when America had one reality. It wasn’t perfect, but at least it was shared. We all tuned in to Walter Cronkite or Peter Jennings or Dan Rather. The evening news would come on, everyone would collectively lower their voices, and for thirty blessed minutes the country
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Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau: Yacht-Gate 2025
There’s something serenely apocalyptic in waking up to the news that a former prime minister of Canada is now a tabloid subject aboard a yacht off Santa Barbara. What began as a vintage clickbait headline—“Katy Perry caught on camera kissing a shirtless Justin Trudeau”—has erupted into real tabloids printing fresh, full-color proof: Perry and Trudeau
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San Francisco: Elon Musk Says Send in the Troops, but Make It Disruptive
In a city famous for kombucha, kale, and kombucha-flavored kale, it was only a matter of time before San Francisco’s billionaires decided the next great innovation would be fascism—but with better UX. On October 12, 2025, the San Francisco Chronicle reported the unthinkable: Elon Musk and Marc Benioff, two of the Bay Area’s most inflated
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When the Cult of Personality Goes Biblical: Trump as the Antichrist (From An Atheist Who Doesn’t Believe in Such Things)
There’s an old superstition that when the world begins to eat itself, a showman appears to tell it the apocalypse is just a ratings opportunity. Even if you don’t believe in God, hell, or horned beasts rising from the sea, you have to admit that Donald Trump’s recent “peace deal” in the Middle East reads
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Trump’s America Rediscovers Measles and Other 19th-Century Hobbies
Congratulations, America. We’ve finally done it. We’ve brought back a disease that modern medicine already defeated when bell-bottoms were still a gleam in disco’s eye. Somewhere, Jonas Salk is shaking his head in the afterlife, muttering, “I leave you people alone for sixty years and you start playing Oregon Trail again.” According to NPR, the