Latest posts
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Happy 4th of July! The Country’s Already on Fire—Might as Well Add Fireworks
Ah, Independence Day. That one time of year when we gather ‘round gas grills, wave flags made in China, and celebrate “freedom” by launching flaming projectiles into the nearest drought-stricken field. Because nothing screams liberty like sparklers in one hand and existential dread in the other. We’re told it’s a patriotic tradition. But let’s call
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The Devil Still Wears Prada—And Apparently, Meryl’s Not Done Devouring Souls
Just when you thought Miranda Priestly had retired to a glacial mountaintop to judge the world in couture silence, she’s back. Meryl Streep—yes, the original dragon in Chanel—has officially signed on for The Devil Wears Prada 2. The high priestess of pursed lips and scathing monologues will return to her throne, which is reportedly made
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BREAKING: Supreme Court Declares Porn Still Legal—But Only If It’s Emotionally Repressed and Filmed in a Cornfield
InIn a landmark 6-3 ruling destined to give abstinence-only health teachers a throbbing sense of purpose, the U.S. Supreme Court has sided against the adult entertainment industry in a First Amendment case so naked in its implications, even C-SPAN blushed. The ruling stems from Freedom of Expression vs. The Entire State of Utah, a lawsuit
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Jurassic Park Rebirth: The Reincarnation No One Asked For But Will Watch Anyway
Because clearly, the seven previous lessons in “don’t bring extinct apex predators back to life” didn’t stick, 2025 is gifting us yet another reboot of Jurassic Park. Only this time, it’s powered by cryptocurrency, sponsored by Elon Musk’s baby’s middle name, and hosted by TikTok’s favorite paleo-influencer, @RawrXDinoQueen420. The new park, dubbed “Jurassic Spark™: Life
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The New York Time’s Top 100 Movies of the 21st Century — A Love Letter to Films You Pretended to Understand
Top 30 films you’re supposed to pretend you’ve watched twice Gather around, cine-snobs and weekend warriors alike. The New York Times has once again handed us their curated list of the “100 Best Movies of the 21st Century,” as ranked by 500 industry insiders. In a world where joy equates to a cat video getting
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From Lincoln to ‘Lizard King’: A Brief History of How the GOP Went from Emancipation to Trump Fan Fiction
Let’s be clear right off the bat: this isn’t some tweed-jacketed seminar on 19th-century civics, nor is it a loving tribute to parchment, powdered wigs, or that one guy in the background of Hamilton who died before intermission. This is a confused, exhausted, deeply sarcastic look at how the party that once freed enslaved people
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A Comprehensive Field Guide to Bible Rules Christians Ignore While Policing Everyone Else’s Salvation
It’s not Christianity. It’s Christianity™: Now with 75% less Jesus, 100% more judgment, and a built-in persecution complex because someone said “Happy Holidays.”
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The Friendship Recession: America’s Loneliest Bull Market
We Have 17 Streaming Subscriptions and Zero Emergency Contacts Remember when people used to have best friends? Like, actual humans they saw in person, not just blurry profile pics you “like” once a month out of guilt? Well, welcome to the Friendship Recession—the only economic downturn that won’t get a bailout because it doesn’t impact
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Jeff Bezos Found Love Again—So Shut Up, You’re Not Unlovable, Just Poor
If One of Earth’s Top Villains Can Get Remarried, Maybe You Just Need a Yacht In today’s installment of Late Capitalism: The Rom-Com, Amazon founder and trillionaire skin avatar Jeff Bezos has officially remarried, proving once and for all that love is not dead—it’s just income-based. Yes, Jeff “I Make Warehouse Workers Pee in Bottles”
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Welcome to The Good Ol’ Days™: A Timeless Destination Where History Never Quite Happened
Ever felt overwhelmed by the modern world’s insistence on equality, nuance, and basic historical literacy? Are you tired of safe spaces, accurate textbooks, and the terrifying possibility that someone might call out your Facebook meme as racially coded? Fear not, weary time traveler. Grab your pearls, clutch your rosary, and buckle up—because The Good Ol’