Latest posts
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BUBONIC PLAGUE IN ARIZONA: 14TH CENTURY ICON MAKES UNWELCOME COMEBACK
FLAGSTAFF, AZ — Just when you thought the only plague still circulating was the group chat from your old job, northern Arizona has been struck by a blast from the past — and not the cool, vintage kind. Health officials have confirmed that a local resident has died from pneumonic plague, a grim throwback infection
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Man of Woke: James Gunn’s ‘Superman’ Sparks Truth, Justice, and Fox News Outrage
New Superman Soars at Box Office, Melts Snowflakes Faster Than Laser Vision In a cinematic event that has right-wing Twitter clutching its pearls harder than Kryptonite, James Gunn’s new Superman reboot has dared—DARED—to do the unthinkable: portray Superman as… an immigrant. That’s right. The man who literally arrived on Earth inside an alien spacecraft and
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Fiscal Responsibility”? The GOP Has Entered the Chat—and Brought the Receipts (of Everything They Charged)
Republicans love to call themselves the “party of fiscal responsibility.” It’s their favorite Halloween costume: all buttoned-up, calculator-in-pocket, murmuring about debt ceilings and taxpayer dollars. But when you check the national receipts, turns out they’ve been throwing the country’s credit card around like they just discovered Amazon Prime. Let’s take a (budget-bloated) stroll down memory
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Why I Wrote Suté and Solitude: Dating, Queerness, and the Beautiful Trash Fire of Modern Connection
Let’s get one thing out of the way: I didn’t write Suté and Solitude because I had answers. I wrote it because I was drowning in questions. About dating. About queerness. About whether emotional intimacy is still possible in a world where most people flirt by reacting to an Instagram story and ghost you faster
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Happy 4th of July! The Country’s Already on Fire—Might as Well Add Fireworks
Ah, Independence Day. That one time of year when we gather ‘round gas grills, wave flags made in China, and celebrate “freedom” by launching flaming projectiles into the nearest drought-stricken field. Because nothing screams liberty like sparklers in one hand and existential dread in the other. We’re told it’s a patriotic tradition. But let’s call
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The Devil Still Wears Prada—And Apparently, Meryl’s Not Done Devouring Souls
Just when you thought Miranda Priestly had retired to a glacial mountaintop to judge the world in couture silence, she’s back. Meryl Streep—yes, the original dragon in Chanel—has officially signed on for The Devil Wears Prada 2. The high priestess of pursed lips and scathing monologues will return to her throne, which is reportedly made
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BREAKING: Supreme Court Declares Porn Still Legal—But Only If It’s Emotionally Repressed and Filmed in a Cornfield
InIn a landmark 6-3 ruling destined to give abstinence-only health teachers a throbbing sense of purpose, the U.S. Supreme Court has sided against the adult entertainment industry in a First Amendment case so naked in its implications, even C-SPAN blushed. The ruling stems from Freedom of Expression vs. The Entire State of Utah, a lawsuit
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Jurassic Park Rebirth: The Reincarnation No One Asked For But Will Watch Anyway
Because clearly, the seven previous lessons in “don’t bring extinct apex predators back to life” didn’t stick, 2025 is gifting us yet another reboot of Jurassic Park. Only this time, it’s powered by cryptocurrency, sponsored by Elon Musk’s baby’s middle name, and hosted by TikTok’s favorite paleo-influencer, @RawrXDinoQueen420. The new park, dubbed “Jurassic Spark™: Life
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The New York Time’s Top 100 Movies of the 21st Century — A Love Letter to Films You Pretended to Understand
Top 30 films you’re supposed to pretend you’ve watched twice Gather around, cine-snobs and weekend warriors alike. The New York Times has once again handed us their curated list of the “100 Best Movies of the 21st Century,” as ranked by 500 industry insiders. In a world where joy equates to a cat video getting
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From Lincoln to ‘Lizard King’: A Brief History of How the GOP Went from Emancipation to Trump Fan Fiction
Let’s be clear right off the bat: this isn’t some tweed-jacketed seminar on 19th-century civics, nor is it a loving tribute to parchment, powdered wigs, or that one guy in the background of Hamilton who died before intermission. This is a confused, exhausted, deeply sarcastic look at how the party that once freed enslaved people