Latest posts
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Snowflake Is Melting Down: Trump Labels His Hurt Feelings Treasonous
The Founding Fathers Forgot to Mention That Napping is Now a State Secret Donald Trump has finally invented a new branch of jurisprudence called “feelings treason,” where noticing a seventy-nine-year-old man is tired is punishable by the full force of the internet. It was only a matter of time before Donald Trump, a man who
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The Remake is Always Worse: Why the War on Venezuela is Just the Iraq Script with an Orange Trump Filter
We have seen this movie before, and spoiler alert: the ending involves a lot of sand, a lot of blood, and absolutely zero refunds. The American military machine has always had a flair for the cinematic, but the recent seizure of the oil tanker Skipper off the coast of Venezuela felt less like a naval
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The Hunt for Red October, But Stupid: How a Lying Tanker Became the Star of the Trump’s New Action Franchise
The scene was practically storyboarded for a campaign ad before the first rotor blade chopped the Caribbean air. It had the granular, high-definition aesthetic of a Michael Bay movie that went straight to streaming, complete with the requisite color grading that makes the ocean look dangerously teal and the American military hardware look like the
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The Repo Man Wears a MAGA Hat: Trump Administration Decides That the Only Thing Trickling Down is Interest
The government has decided that the biggest threat to the American economy is a twenty-six-year-old with a degree in graphic design and an extra two hundred dollars a month. There is a specific kind of silence that falls over a generation when they realize the safety net was actually a trap door. For the last
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The Red Fortress of Miami Has Fallen to a Woman Named Eileen
It turns out that telling a city of immigrants that immigrants are the problem is not a winning strategy, even if you say it in Spanish. In a development that has caused political strategists in Washington to spill their double espressos and check their maps to ensure Miami is still in Florida, Democrat Eileen Higgins
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The Red Hat Welfare State: Trump’s $12 Billion “Bridge” Is Just a Toll Road You Paid For Twice
Welcome to the Golden Age of Conservative Socialism, where the government is the problem unless you own a tractor, in which case the government is a limitless ATM. There is a specific, bitter irony that settles in when you watch a political movement dedicated to “free markets” and “personal responsibility” suddenly decide that the federal
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The Freedom to Go Broke: Republicans Unveil Their Plan to Liberate You From Affordable Healthcare
The GOP has finally found a solution to the problem of people having health insurance. It involves taking the money away and giving you a coupon for a savings account you cannot afford to fund. There is a specific kind of grim comedy that defines American healthcare policy. It is the comedy of a man
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Trump Affordability Hoax: Welcome to the Carnival of Economic Gaslighting Where the Cotton Candy Costs a Mortgage
When the President tells you the price of eggs is down, but your receipt says you just took out a second mortgage for an omelet, you are living in the Golden Age of the Grift. On Tuesday night, the traveling circus of the forty-seventh presidency descended upon Mount Pocono, Pennsylvania, bringing with it the familiar
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The Supreme Court is About to Turn the Constitution into a Customer Service Complaint Line That Goes Straight to Voicemail
If you have ever looked at the federal government and thought, “You know what this place needs? More impulsivity and less adult supervision,” then boy, does the Supreme Court have a treat for you. The high court is currently preparing to hand Donald Trump the keys to the regulatory state, effectively allowing him to treat
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Jasmine Crockett for Senate: The Only Socialist in Texas is the Guy Writing Checks to Elon Musk
They are going to call Jasmine Crockett a socialist.1 Of course they are. In the modern Republican lexicon, “socialist” is just a synonym for “person I am afraid of,” and right now, there is nobody the Texas GOP fears more than the Congresswoman from Dallas who treats a committee hearing like a cross-examination and a