Latest posts
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The Soft Landing Just Broke Its Landing Gear: Why the Economy Is Eating the Little Guy
We are told the plane is landing smoothly, but the passengers in coach just fell through the floor. If you listen closely to the hum of the American economic engine, you will notice a terrifying new sound. It is not the roar of a bull market or the purr of productivity. It is the grinding
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The Real Housewives of the House Republican Conference: A Play in Three Acts of Self-Destruction
If you want to understand the current state of the Republican Party, do not look at their policy papers. Do not listen to their speeches about fiscal discipline or the sanctity of the border. Instead, imagine a community theater production of Julius Caesar directed by a substitute teacher who has lost control of the classroom,
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Pete Hegseth Should Have Stuck With Fox News
When the chain of command becomes a group chat, the only thing securing the nation is the battery life of Pete Hegseth’s iPhone. The modern theatre of war is no longer a dimly lit room filled with cigarette smoke and maps pushed around by grim-faced men in uniform. It is not the hushed, sterile environment
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The Remigration Proclamation: A Sermon from the Ministry of Purgation
On a day usually reserved for quiet reflection or ignoring the news cycle, Donald Trump decided to offer a benediction. He did not issue a bland statement about unity or national strength. Instead, he logged onto Truth Social and drafted what can only be described as a declaration of war against fifty-three million people, disguised
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The Dictator’s Holiday Greeting Card: A Thanksgiving Message from the Ministry of Demigration
There is a specific, terrifying alchemy that happens when a political figure decides to combine the festive spirit of Thanksgiving with the rhetorical structure of a declaration of war. It is the moment when “Season’s Greetings” becomes a threat, and the turkey on the table is replaced by a policy proposal that reads like it
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Gratitude in the Blast Zone: A Love Letter to Matthew, Chemo, Chihuahuas, and the Art of Not Dying in Texas
We are told to be thankful for the big things: health, family, the roof over our heads. But this year, in the twilight of 2025, I find myself offering a quiet, fervent prayer to Beyonce and Lady Gaga of gratitude for something far more specific, something that doesn’t fit neatly on a Hallmark card. I
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The Myth of the “Good Old Days”: A Thanksgiving Toast to the Eras That Tried to Erase Us
We gather here today, in the warm glow of incandescent bulbs and familial obligation, to perform the sacred ritual of forced gratitude. The table is set. The turkey is dry. The cranberry sauce retains the ridges of the can, a gelatinous monument to industrial efficiency. And around the perimeter, a collection of relatives—some beloved, some
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The Politics of the Kids’ Table: A Survival Guide for the Holidays
The cranberry sauce is shaped like the can. The turkey is dry enough to be used as attic insulation. The tension in the room is vibrating at a frequency usually reserved for bomb disposal units or hostage negotiations. Welcome to Thanksgiving in America. We are gathered here today to worship at the altar of “Family
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The unauthorized History of the Home of the Brave: A Guide to 400 Years of squatter’s Rights
We like to tell ourselves a very specific story about the United States. It is a story printed on glossy brochures, recited by politicians with wet eyes, and taught to children before they are old enough to read the footnotes. It is the story of a “Nation of Immigrants,” a melting pot where the tired,
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The FBI’s New Most Wanted List: People Who Can Read the Employee Handbook
There is a specific, grim absurdity to the moment when the premier law enforcement agency of the United States transforms into a customer service department for a presidential tantrum. On any given Tuesday, the FBI’s Counterterrorism Division is generally tasked with disrupting bomb plots, dismantling sleeper cells, and tracking violent extremists who wish to do