Latest posts
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The Dictator’s Holiday Greeting Card: A Thanksgiving Message from the Ministry of Demigration
There is a specific, terrifying alchemy that happens when a political figure decides to combine the festive spirit of Thanksgiving with the rhetorical structure of a declaration of war. It is the moment when “Season’s Greetings” becomes a threat, and the turkey on the table is replaced by a policy proposal that reads like it
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Gratitude in the Blast Zone: A Love Letter to Matthew, Chemo, Chihuahuas, and the Art of Not Dying in Texas
We are told to be thankful for the big things: health, family, the roof over our heads. But this year, in the twilight of 2025, I find myself offering a quiet, fervent prayer to Beyonce and Lady Gaga of gratitude for something far more specific, something that doesn’t fit neatly on a Hallmark card. I
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The Myth of the “Good Old Days”: A Thanksgiving Toast to the Eras That Tried to Erase Us
We gather here today, in the warm glow of incandescent bulbs and familial obligation, to perform the sacred ritual of forced gratitude. The table is set. The turkey is dry. The cranberry sauce retains the ridges of the can, a gelatinous monument to industrial efficiency. And around the perimeter, a collection of relatives—some beloved, some
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The Politics of the Kids’ Table: A Survival Guide for the Holidays
The cranberry sauce is shaped like the can. The turkey is dry enough to be used as attic insulation. The tension in the room is vibrating at a frequency usually reserved for bomb disposal units or hostage negotiations. Welcome to Thanksgiving in America. We are gathered here today to worship at the altar of “Family
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The unauthorized History of the Home of the Brave: A Guide to 400 Years of squatter’s Rights
We like to tell ourselves a very specific story about the United States. It is a story printed on glossy brochures, recited by politicians with wet eyes, and taught to children before they are old enough to read the footnotes. It is the story of a “Nation of Immigrants,” a melting pot where the tired,
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The FBI’s New Most Wanted List: People Who Can Read the Employee Handbook
There is a specific, grim absurdity to the moment when the premier law enforcement agency of the United States transforms into a customer service department for a presidential tantrum. On any given Tuesday, the FBI’s Counterterrorism Division is generally tasked with disrupting bomb plots, dismantling sleeper cells, and tracking violent extremists who wish to do
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Trump Wants His 1998 Back: Why ‘Rush Hour 4’ Is Now a Matter of National Security
We often tell ourselves that power is about nuclear codes, interest rates, and the invisible hand that moves aircraft carriers across the chessboard of the Pacific. But in the twilight of the American empire, power is apparently the ability to force a major Hollywood studio to greenlight a buddy cop sequel that nobody asked for
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Red Scare 8.0: How Idiots Still Don’t Understand The Difference Between Socialism and Communism
Why You Should Probably Google Words Before You Scream Them at Thanksgiving Dinner Welcome, patriots, comrades, and confused centrists. Grab a beverage—preferably one produced by a worker-owned cooperative or a ruthless multinational conglomerate, depending on your vibe—because we are about to embark on a journey. A journey into the heart of darkness. By “darkness,” I
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The Bartender Who Bought the Bar: Why AOC’s Senate Run Is the Chaos We Deserve
It has been seven years since a twenty-eight-year-old bartender from the Bronx looked at the decaying edifice of the Queens Democratic machine, ordered a seltzer, and then proceeded to bulldoze the entire building. We all remember the shock of 2018. We remember the “AOC phenomenon,” a phrase used by consultants to describe something they hoped
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No Good Deed and the Critics: Why ‘Wicked’ Is the Tragedy We Deserve
The lights went down in the theater, and for a brief moment, the collective anxiety of the world—the elections, the economy, the general sense that we are living in the final season of a poorly written reality show—suspended itself in the dark. I sat there with Matthew, my fiance and designated emotional anchor, and our