Latest posts
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The Hunt for Red October, But Stupid: How a Lying Tanker Became the Star of the Trump’s New Action Franchise
The scene was practically storyboarded for a campaign ad before the first rotor blade chopped the Caribbean air. It had the granular, high-definition aesthetic of a Michael Bay movie that went straight to streaming, complete with the requisite color grading that makes the ocean look dangerously teal and the American military hardware look like the
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The Golden Globes: Where We Pretend to Care About Art While Worshiping at the Altar of Marketing Spend
Paul Thomas Anderson wins the math, but Wicked won the culture, and my heart belongs to a movie about kicking. The Golden Globes have always been the drunk uncle of the awards season family reunion. They are loud, occasionally embarrassing, and usually smell faintly of desperate bribery. But this year, the nominations announcement felt less
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How Donald Trump Turned the Kennedy Center Honors into a MAGA Variety Hour
The nation’s premier cultural institution has been rebranded as a Atlantic City lounge act, and the price of admission is your dignity. The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts was designed as a living memorial to a slain president, a marble temple on the Potomac intended to elevate the American spirit through the
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Drunk Pete’s Reagan Forum Was a Wake for the World Order
The Secretary of Defense just told the ghost of the Gipper that the new American strategy is “Get Off My Lawn.” In the hallowed halls of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where the ghost of the Gipper usually presides over speeches about tearing down walls and shining cities on hills, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth decided
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The Ghost of Competence Past: Joe Biden Accepts an Award While the World Burns
In a hotel ballroom in Washington, a decent man tried to remind us that the government wasn’t always a weapon, while the press corps frantically zoomed in to see if he blinked too slowly. On December 5, 2025, the timeline offered us a split-screen moment so jarring it felt like a glitch in the simulation.
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The Pipe Bomber Was Never a Ghost. He Was Just a Guy With a Rewards Card.
After five years of conspiracy theories about fed-surrectionists and secret operatives, the grand mystery resolves into a Nissan Sentra and a bag of galvanized pipe. We have spent nearly five years living inside a collective fever dream regarding the events of January 5 and 6, 2021. In the absence of an arrest, the “J6 Pipe
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The Soft Landing Just Broke Its Landing Gear: Why the Economy Is Eating the Little Guy
We are told the plane is landing smoothly, but the passengers in coach just fell through the floor. If you listen closely to the hum of the American economic engine, you will notice a terrifying new sound. It is not the roar of a bull market or the purr of productivity. It is the grinding
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The Real Housewives of the House Republican Conference: A Play in Three Acts of Self-Destruction
If you want to understand the current state of the Republican Party, do not look at their policy papers. Do not listen to their speeches about fiscal discipline or the sanctity of the border. Instead, imagine a community theater production of Julius Caesar directed by a substitute teacher who has lost control of the classroom,
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Pete Hegseth Should Have Stuck With Fox News
When the chain of command becomes a group chat, the only thing securing the nation is the battery life of Pete Hegseth’s iPhone. The modern theatre of war is no longer a dimly lit room filled with cigarette smoke and maps pushed around by grim-faced men in uniform. It is not the hushed, sterile environment
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The Remigration Proclamation: A Sermon from the Ministry of Purgation
On a day usually reserved for quiet reflection or ignoring the news cycle, Donald Trump decided to offer a benediction. He did not issue a bland statement about unity or national strength. Instead, he logged onto Truth Social and drafted what can only be described as a declaration of war against fifty-three million people, disguised