Latest posts
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U.S. Navy Goes Tanker Shopping and Calls It Sanctions Enforcement
One part maritime choke point, one part reality show, and one part global oil market swallowing hard. The Trump administration is preparing more at-sea seizures of oil tankers near Venezuela, and it is doing it with the kind of confident swagger that usually shows up right before someone asks, quietly, what the exit plan is.
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Indiana Redistricting Meltdown: Trump Pressures GOP and the Map Refuses to Move
A rare intraparty “no” lands in the middle of the national gerrymander arms race, and suddenly everyone is pretending they just love local control again. Indiana’s Statehouse spent this week acting like a polite Midwestern family hosting a reunion while a brawl happens behind the deviled eggs. The fight was over House Bill 1032, a
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Snowflake Is Melting Down: Trump Labels His Hurt Feelings Treasonous
The Founding Fathers Forgot to Mention That Napping is Now a State Secret Donald Trump has finally invented a new branch of jurisprudence called “feelings treason,” where noticing a seventy-nine-year-old man is tired is punishable by the full force of the internet. It was only a matter of time before Donald Trump, a man who
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Gavin Newsom Wants Democrats to Be Normal, Even If It Means You Have to Disappear
The Governor of California has discovered the secret to winning 2028, and it involves throwing the most vulnerable people in his coalition into a closet labeled “Later.” There is a specific kind of political epiphany that only happens in rooms where the bottled water costs twelve dollars and the audience is composed entirely of people
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The Hunt for Red October, But Stupid: How a Lying Tanker Became the Star of the Trump’s New Action Franchise
The scene was practically storyboarded for a campaign ad before the first rotor blade chopped the Caribbean air. It had the granular, high-definition aesthetic of a Michael Bay movie that went straight to streaming, complete with the requisite color grading that makes the ocean look dangerously teal and the American military hardware look like the
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The Golden Globes: Where We Pretend to Care About Art While Worshiping at the Altar of Marketing Spend
Paul Thomas Anderson wins the math, but Wicked won the culture, and my heart belongs to a movie about kicking. The Golden Globes have always been the drunk uncle of the awards season family reunion. They are loud, occasionally embarrassing, and usually smell faintly of desperate bribery. But this year, the nominations announcement felt less
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How Donald Trump Turned the Kennedy Center Honors into a MAGA Variety Hour
The nation’s premier cultural institution has been rebranded as a Atlantic City lounge act, and the price of admission is your dignity. The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts was designed as a living memorial to a slain president, a marble temple on the Potomac intended to elevate the American spirit through the
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Drunk Pete’s Reagan Forum Was a Wake for the World Order
The Secretary of Defense just told the ghost of the Gipper that the new American strategy is “Get Off My Lawn.” In the hallowed halls of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where the ghost of the Gipper usually presides over speeches about tearing down walls and shining cities on hills, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth decided
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The Ghost of Competence Past: Joe Biden Accepts an Award While the World Burns
In a hotel ballroom in Washington, a decent man tried to remind us that the government wasn’t always a weapon, while the press corps frantically zoomed in to see if he blinked too slowly. On December 5, 2025, the timeline offered us a split-screen moment so jarring it felt like a glitch in the simulation.
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The Pipe Bomber Was Never a Ghost. He Was Just a Guy With a Rewards Card.
After five years of conspiracy theories about fed-surrectionists and secret operatives, the grand mystery resolves into a Nissan Sentra and a bag of galvanized pipe. We have spent nearly five years living inside a collective fever dream regarding the events of January 5 and 6, 2021. In the absence of an arrest, the “J6 Pipe