Latest posts
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Alone Together™: How to Cure Loneliness with Wi-Fi, Vague Eye Contact, and Corporate Wellness Emails
If you’re feeling lonely in 2025, good news: you’re not alone. You are, in fact, part of a globally trending demographic—a vast, echoing chorus of fully-charged devices and emotionally uncharged people, all sending each other “just checking in” texts while lying motionless on separate couches. We live in the most hyper-connected society in history. You
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Earthquake, Tsunamis, Mega-Destruction—But Top 5 on X? Here’s Your Frontier News Feed Instead
So a massive earthquake just rattled half the globe, triggered tsunami alerts coast to coast, and… your X timeline is still recommending “10 low-calorie snacks to curb your midnight cravings” and that viral meme about a waiter recalling your order unironically. Congratulations, Elon Musk’s algorithm didn’t even blink. The top 5 stories on the platform?
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The Abs Are a Distraction: Biden’s Brain, Trump’s Everything, and the GOP’s Quest for a Mirror
If there’s one thing House Republicans care about, it’s fitness. Physical fitness. Mental fitness. Political fitness. Fitness to serve, fitness to lead, fitness to blink in time with the national anthem. And so, in a bold bipartisan act of historical concern, the GOP has launched a sweeping investigation into former President Joe Biden’s cognitive ability