Latest posts
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GPT-5 Has Entered the Chat (and Possibly the Will of God)
The launch of GPT-5 was not announced so much as revealed, the way ancient prophecies emerge from cracked temple walls or a Kardashian reveals a new product line—suddenly, everywhere, and without anyone asking if we were ready. OpenAI calls it the “most advanced AI model to date,” a phrase that lands somewhere between a tech
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When Numbers Lie and the Economy is “Perfect” (According to the Man Who Invented Truth)
It’s another day in America, and the President has once again reminded us that numbers are not to be trusted. Not his numbers, of course—those are gold-plated, patriotic, and possibly blessed by the ghost of Reagan—but other people’s numbers. Specifically, the ones from the Bureau of Labor Statistics that dared to suggest inflation is rising
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Silence of the Stern: The $500 Million Whisper at the End of the Dial
Howard Stern’s contract with SiriusXM, ending in 2025, faces uncertainty as the company considers not renewing it amid dwindling subscriptions and shifting media landscapes. Once a revolutionary figure in radio, Stern’s expensive legacy now seems misaligned with modern content preferences, reflecting a broader decline of traditional audio platforms in an evolving industry.
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America: Where the Policy Changes But the Passive-Aggression Stays the Same
Somewhere between the overturned classified documents and the overturned convictions, the Trump administration (yes, that one again) decided to quietly reverse a decades-old policy that withheld federal aid from states that penalized individuals or companies for not participating in Israel boycotts. Don’t worry if you missed it—most people were too busy photoshopping mugshots onto T-shirts
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The Blonde Upstairs Is Gone: On Loni Anderson, Loss, and the Women Who Knew the Assignment
Somewhere in America, a bottle-blonde receptionist in a sleeveless satin blouse just took a long drag off her Virginia Slim and said, “Well, shit.” Then she turned off the office lights and walked herself gently into the dusk. Loni Anderson died yesterday. Seventy-nine. A “prolonged illness,” her publicist confirmed, as though time itself weren’t already
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Alone Together™: How to Cure Loneliness with Wi-Fi, Vague Eye Contact, and Corporate Wellness Emails
If you’re feeling lonely in 2025, good news: you’re not alone. You are, in fact, part of a globally trending demographic—a vast, echoing chorus of fully-charged devices and emotionally uncharged people, all sending each other “just checking in” texts while lying motionless on separate couches. We live in the most hyper-connected society in history. You
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Earthquake, Tsunamis, Mega-Destruction—But Top 5 on X? Here’s Your Frontier News Feed Instead
So a massive earthquake just rattled half the globe, triggered tsunami alerts coast to coast, and… your X timeline is still recommending “10 low-calorie snacks to curb your midnight cravings” and that viral meme about a waiter recalling your order unironically. Congratulations, Elon Musk’s algorithm didn’t even blink. The top 5 stories on the platform?
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The Abs Are a Distraction: Biden’s Brain, Trump’s Everything, and the GOP’s Quest for a Mirror
If there’s one thing House Republicans care about, it’s fitness. Physical fitness. Mental fitness. Political fitness. Fitness to serve, fitness to lead, fitness to blink in time with the national anthem. And so, in a bold bipartisan act of historical concern, the GOP has launched a sweeping investigation into former President Joe Biden’s cognitive ability