Latest posts

  • How Donald Trump Turned the Kennedy Center Honors into a MAGA Variety Hour

    How Donald Trump Turned the Kennedy Center Honors into a MAGA Variety Hour

    The nation’s premier cultural institution has been rebranded as a Atlantic City lounge act, and the price of admission is your dignity. The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts was designed as a living memorial to a slain president, a marble temple on the Potomac intended to elevate the American spirit through the

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  • Trump’s $12 Billion Apology Note to Farmers Is Signed With Your Credit Card

    Trump’s $12 Billion Apology Note to Farmers Is Signed With Your Credit Card

    The arsonist has returned to the scene of the crime, not to put out the fire, but to sell the victims a very expensive glass of water. On Monday, the political circus will descend upon Washington with the heavy, frantic energy of a infomercial host realizing his product is defective. President Trump, flanked by a

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  • Trump Tries To Buy a Congressman, But the Congressman Is A Better Con Man

    Trump Tries To Buy a Congressman, But the Congressman Is A Better Con Man

    The President thought he was purchasing a party switch with a pardon, but he forgot that in Texas, you take the cattle and leave the cowboy holding the rope. There is a specific, grimy elegance to the way Donald Trump approaches the presidency. He does not view it as a constitutional office or a sacred

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  • The Law of the Sea (According to the Guy Who Threw the Axe on Fox & Friends)

    The Law of the Sea (According to the Guy Who Threw the Axe on Fox & Friends)

    When the Department of Defense decides that “interdiction” is just a fancy word for “snuff film.” The United States Navy has a long and storied tradition of rescuing sailors in distress. It is one of those ancient maritime codes, like not whistling on the bridge or avoiding bananas on a boat, that separates professional mariners

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  • The Divorce of the Century: Marjorie Taylor Greene Leaves the Cult

    The Divorce of the Century: Marjorie Taylor Greene Leaves the Cult

    When the most loyal soldier in the MAGA army decides to go AWOL, it isn’t a political pivot; it is a primal scream from inside the house. The marriage between Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene was never going to end with a quiet mediation and a shared custody agreement for the base. It was

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  • The Bulwark Wants to Build a Bigger Ship, But We Are Already Underwater

    The Bulwark Wants to Build a Bigger Ship, But We Are Already Underwater

    When the sensible conservatives start sounding like doomsday preppers, it is time to check the expiration date on the canned goods. There is a specific frequency of alarm that only emits from the offices of The Bulwark. It is not the shrill, glass-shattering panic of liberal Twitter, nor is it the guttural, blood-and-soil roar of

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  • Drunk Pete’s Reagan Forum Was a Wake for the World Order

    Drunk Pete’s Reagan Forum Was a Wake for the World Order

    The Secretary of Defense just told the ghost of the Gipper that the new American strategy is “Get Off My Lawn.” In the hallowed halls of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where the ghost of the Gipper usually presides over speeches about tearing down walls and shining cities on hills, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth decided

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  • Comey: The DOJ Just Got Locked Out of Its Own Evidence Locker

    Comey: The DOJ Just Got Locked Out of Its Own Evidence Locker

    When you raid a lawyer’s iCloud without reading the Fourth Amendment first, you end up with a restraining order and a very embarrassing weekend. It is a rare and beautiful thing to watch the Department of Justice trip over its own shoelaces in slow motion. Usually, the DOJ is the juggernaut, the unmovable object that

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  • The Red N Swallows the Shield: Why Netflix Buying Warner Bros. Is the Final Season of Hollywood

    The Red N Swallows the Shield: Why Netflix Buying Warner Bros. Is the Final Season of Hollywood

    The algorithm finally bought the dream factory, and it paid cash. It is finished. The war for the soul of Hollywood, a conflict that has raged since the first DVD was mailed in a red envelope, has ended not with a treaty but with an unconditional surrender. In early December 2025, the unthinkable became the

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  • DOJ To Release Grand Jury Epstein Information, Supposedly

    DOJ To Release Grand Jury Epstein Information, Supposedly

    On December 19, the United States government will attempt a new experiment: telling the truth about how it let a monster run a catering service for predators. There is a specific kind of silence that descends upon a room when the lights are suddenly turned on at a party that has gone on far too

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