Latest posts
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100 Times I Didn’t Flinch: My Book Quote Collection
From Small Town Gayby “If God made me, then either He’s not angry—or He’s not very good at His job.” “I was born with a bruise on my soul and a glitter bomb in my ribcage.” “Coming out didn’t feel brave. It felt like bleeding in front of people who cheered the wound.” “I didn’t…
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Pray the Gay Away: A Conversion Therapy Survival Guide (Now With 60% More Trauma and Zero Science)
Welcome to Conversion Therapy™—the only place where Jesus moonlights as a licensed therapist and heterosexuality is somehow contagious if you cry hard enough. Buckle up, buttercup. It’s time for a full-bodied, unlicensed, medically discredited journey through the spiritual carwash known as “turning you straight.” Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work. Unless the goal is PTSD, self-loathing,
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Ken Mehlman Comes Out—Just a Few Million Hate Crimes Too Late
In today’s episode of The Gays Can Forgive, But We’re Gonna Roast You First, let’s talk about Ken Mehlman: former Bush campaign manager, architect of the 2004 “Ban the Gays” electoral strategy, and current reformed homosexual with a PR-approved redemption arc. Because nothing screams “personal growth” quite like helping destroy millions of lives before quietly
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15 Crimes Against Cooking Shows That Should Be Prosecuted by the Culinary Hague
Welcome back to “Oh Honey, No”, the only cooking competition where the prize is $10,000 and permanent public shame. It’s a magical land where hopeful amateur chefs ignore decades of televised cooking wisdom in favor of chaotic, delusional hubris. This is Hell’s Kitchen without the hell or the kitchen—just unholy crimes served lukewarm on an
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Stop Waiting for Lisa Murkowski & Susan Collins to Save You – They’re Not Coming
BREAKING: Lisa Murkowski has once again voted to advance a Republican bill that has all the charm of a flaming trash barge drifting through civil rights. And somewhere in Maine, Susan Collins is furrowing her brow so hard it may finally snap in half. She’s “deeply concerned,” y’all—probably writing another strongly worded Post-it note to
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Update: Year 2025. Still No Jesus. Still Stuck with Your Asshole Followers.
Hey Jesus, Just circling back (again). Still no sign of you. No heavenly descent, no clouds parting, no divine trumpet blast—just the usual right-wing podcast hosts calling everything the Antichrist and Marjorie Taylor Greene misquoting you while selling tactical Bibles on QVC. Listen, I know it’s been a long 2,000 years. You’re probably busy blessing
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Meteor Spotted Over the South, Fails to Fix Anything
June 26, 2025 – Earth (unfortunately still here) At approximately noon Eastern time today, a blazing fireball tore across the skies of Georgia, South Carolina, and Tennessee—causing brief panic, some delighted screams, and at least three Karens to yell, “Jesus is coming!” as they clutched their pearls and prayer journals. But alas, it wasn’t the
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Zohran Mamdani Defeats Cuomo in NYC Mayoral Primary, Causing White Moderates to Spontaneously Combust Near Whole Foods
The Rent Is Still Too Damn High, But Now It’s Multilingual NEW YORK CITY — In a stunning upset that left political analysts, real estate developers, and several Upper West Side yoga instructors sobbing into their oat milk cortados, Zohran Mamdani, a democratic socialist with an actual spine, has won the Democratic primary for mayor
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Daddy Issues: NATO, Mark Rutte specifically, Hopes to Be Trump’s Ivanka—Instead, They’re His Tiffany
There are headlines that make you sigh, others that make you wince, and then there’s: “Daddy, You’re My Daddy.” No, that’s not the title of a long-lost porn parody of Succession. It’s what Donald Trump claimed NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte said to him—affectionately, mind you—during a NATO summit in the Netherlands, in reference to
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Welcome to 2025: A Field Guide to the Apocalypse Lite™
Compiled by: A Sentient Bee with Anxiety and a Data Plan Congratulations! You’ve made it to 2025, the year where climate collapse is trending, AI writes breakup texts, and Congress now live-streams on OnlyFans. As your reward, we’ve compiled this essential guide to surviving another year of democracy limping through menopause. Whether you’re queer in