Latest posts
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The Eternal Gravity of Shit: Why Hierarchy Is Humanity’s Favorite Hobby
We like to tell ourselves that human beings are noble, empathetic creatures. We write novels about kindness, sing songs about love, build religions around compassion. But spend thirty seconds in line at Starbucks or thirty minutes Doordashing lukewarm Chipotle to someone in yoga pants, and the truth hits you in the face like a soggy
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SNL Says Goodbye to Ego Nwodim and Hello to the Eternal Lorne Michaels Hunger Games
Seven Years, One Exit Post, and a Cast in Perpetual Revolt Ego Nwodim did what every modern celebrity does when it’s time to move on: she opened Instagram, wrote “unforgettable” in italics, and announced she was leaving Saturday Night Live after seven seasons. Seven years of wigs, cue cards, and sketches that hit about as
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Twenty-Four Years Later: What We Should Have Learned from 9/11 (But Absolutely Didn’t)
The anniversary of September 11 rolls around every year like a fire alarm that no one bothers to silence anymore. We stop, we remember, we replay the grainy footage in our minds, and then—like a nation addicted to selective amnesia—we forget the one lesson we were supposed to have learned: unity. Not unity as in
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The Birthday Book Blues: How Epstein’s Guest List Became Trump’s Latest Hallmark Special
America has always had a gift for taking the grotesque and wrapping it in party favors. We can turn a banking collapse into a Netflix documentary, a constitutional crisis into a coffee-table book, and now, Jeffrey Epstein’s rolodex into a “birthday book.” Imagine the scrapbooking aisle of Michael’s, but curated by Ghislaine Maxwell. This week,
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Tom Hanks, the Wokest Man Alive: How America Lost Its War Against Niceness
Once upon a time, the biggest threat Tom Hanks posed to national security was making every American cry in unison. Whether storming Omaha Beach or talking to a volleyball, Hanks specialized in weaponized empathy. He was our cinematic dad, our comfort-food patriot, the guy who could make a two-and-a-half-hour movie about the postal service (The
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The Supreme Court Greenlights Guesswork Policing (or How to Arrest Someone for Existing in Spanish)
The U.S. Supreme Court once again demonstrated its uncanny ability to treat the Bill of Rights like IKEA instructions: skimmed, misread, and discarded in the recycling bin because who has time for nuance when there are “emergency dockets” to clear. In a 6–3 order, the Court stayed a Los Angeles federal judge’s restraining order that
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From a Mountain of Solitude to a Lifetime of Yes: The Love Story I Didn’t See Coming
One year ago today, I stood on a mountain in Hawaiʻi with the wind in my face and the Pacific unrolling itself in that impossible blue. It was the kind of view that makes your chest go quiet—the kind that feels like an answer without words. I had come there alone. I was traveling alone.
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When the Music Stops: America’s Job Market Plays Musical Chairs with No Extra Chairs
On September 3, 2025, the Bureau of Labor Statistics did something rare: it delivered a plot twist. The newest JOLTS report showed that job openings slipped to 7.181 million in July, falling below the roughly 7.2 million unemployed Americans for the first time since April 2021. Translation: there are now more people looking for chairs
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The 226-Page Love Letter to Google: Antitrust as Performance Art
On September 2, 2025, U.S. District Judge Amit Mehta finally dropped his long-awaited remedy order in the Justice Department’s search-monopoly case against Google. Two-hundred and twenty-six pages of judicial prose, the kind that smells faintly of toner and resignation, landed with a thud that echoed through Washington and Silicon Valley. For all the build-up—whispers of
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America’s Newest Crime: Fighting Fires Without Papers
On August 27, 2025, as the Bear Gulch Fire raged through Washington state—thousands of acres incinerated, towns choking on smoke, families evacuating with pets stuffed into backseats—the federal government identified the real emergency. Not the wildfire consuming homes. Not the climate that breeds a new inferno each week. No, the emergency was the possibility that