Latest posts
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You’re Fired: Trump Finds the Real Culprit Behind America’s Job Woes (Hint: It’s Not Capitalism)
In a surprising twist that shocked absolutely no one, former President Donald J. Trump has once again taken bold, decisive, and entirely unhinged action against the greatest threat to American prosperity: math. Specifically, the kind of math that results in job reports that make him look bad. Following a “disappointing” economic update, which revealed that
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Why Thanks for the House, Stupid Might Be the Most Honest Love Story You’ll Read This Year
ChatGPT said: “We grieved him differently. He fell apart; I took inventory.” Thanks for the House, Stupid is a darkly funny, emotionally wrecked queer romantic dramedy where grief throws two ex-rivals into forced cohabitation—and maybe something like healing. Haunted, horny, and halfway healed.
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July’s Over. Thank You, Everyone: 7,174 Books Sold, 64 Titles Published, and One Heart About to Burst
In July, I sold 7,174 books across 64 titles—my first full month of self-publishing after years of silence and shelved manuscripts. From memoir to romance to horror, you showed up. Thank you. Every read, share, and review keeps this dream alive.
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Kamala Harris Declines to Govern: California Weeps, 2028 Holds Its Breath
In a week already saturated with bloated indictments, poorly aged tweets, and men with microphones saying “I miss when politics was normal,” Kamala Harris made the most powerful move in modern politics: saying no. She will not run for governor of California. Not because she can’t. Not because she’s lost the thread. But because she’s
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Finally, Equal Rights to Cringe: “I Kissed A Boy” Puts Gays Where They Belong—on Trashy Dating Shows
So it’s finally happened. The gays have a dating show. Not a makeover show. Not a trauma documentary. Not another sob-stained coming out arc framed by string lights and tearful piano music. An actual, honest-to-God dating show. And not just any dating show—a trashy, sun-drenched, kissing-at-hello reality dating show with barely clothed men, confessionals, and
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Business as Usual: A Two-Shooter Monday in the Land of the Free
There’s a uniquely American efficiency to how we process mass shootings. As if the country were run by a bureaucratic vending machine that now just spits out blood instead of soda. Insert thoughts. Receive prayers. Try again tomorrow. Today’s patriotic performance art featured not one but two active shooter incidents. First, the Grand Sierra Resort
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The Abs Are a Distraction: Biden’s Brain, Trump’s Everything, and the GOP’s Quest for a Mirror
If there’s one thing House Republicans care about, it’s fitness. Physical fitness. Mental fitness. Political fitness. Fitness to serve, fitness to lead, fitness to blink in time with the national anthem. And so, in a bold bipartisan act of historical concern, the GOP has launched a sweeping investigation into former President Joe Biden’s cognitive ability
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Comic‑Con 2025: When Tron, Robots, and Redux Make Us Question Reality
San Diego Comic‑Con 2025 has officially arrived, bringing with it the usual spectacle: bold trailers, unexpected celebrity cameos, and the kind of hyperreal sci‑fi enthusiasm that makes your real life feel like dial‑up internet. Here’s your satirical review of the weirdest, wildest, and most neon-lit highlights: 1. Tron: Ares Takes Over Hall H Disney premiered
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The Ghislaine Games: Now Streaming on the Delusion Network
Ghislaine Maxwell, former jet-set socialite turned convicted sex trafficker turned “spiritual wellness enthusiast” (her words, allegedly), has now completed her two-day interview with Justice Department officials. That’s right—two whole days to unload the receipts of a multi-decade global child trafficking ring. Either she talks faster than Gilmore Girls on cocaine, or someone left half the
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We May Experience Some Mild Turbulence… and Existential Terror
It was a typical day in American aviation: peanuts, Biscoff cookies, and a 500-foot death drop to avoid being turned into fuselage confetti. Yes, folks, Southwest Airlines—known for open seating, punchy safety announcements, and landing in cities you didn’t actually book—has outdone itself once again. This time, by narrowly dodging a mid-air collision and turning